Edited to update: BlackQueerLife instance now has a properly-set-up channel for receiving money contributions. If you wanted the Fediverse to be more welcoming to Black people, it's one practical way to help :-)
https://opencollective.com/blackqueerlife
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New instance for Black queer people:
"My intention for BlackQueerLife is that when Black queers are searching for a place in the fediverse to call home, we are accessible to them."
- @tillshadeisgone
Well, there isn't one ultimate definition for either of them! Both have been used in different ways over many years.
Some people like "queer" because it's an umbrella term covering any kind of deviation from sexual-orientation norms. Some people dislike it, usually because it's been thrown at them as a term of abuse.
Some people use gay to mean specifically same-sex or same-gender preference, as distinct from bi - but historically, gay has also been used as an umbrella term.
So there isn't an easy answer about the words! & maybe the most helpful answer is to understand that different people might have different ways of using them, & different reasons for preferring them. If you keep that in mind, you probably won't go far wrong :-)
@unchartedworlds @gocu54 A sweetie of mine likes to quote that
"Labels make useful servants but terrible masters."
Jennifer Moore 😷
Nick's world
Grinning Cat 
🚫👑