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I feel so invalidated..

https://feddit.de/post/1150168

I feel so invalidated.. - Feddit

recently two friends of mine brought up autism in a conversation. one of them knows about my diagnosis and the other one is a nurse and regularly works with autistic children. They brought up lots of things I disagree with and that kind of hurt me… They said things like “there are severely autistic people and there are others that are pretty chill” “being autistic is fashionable these days” “people use their autism as an excuse for bad behavior” “autistic people should keep their diagnosis for themselves because society is not really ready for that yet” I tried to argue against it, but I wasn’t really good at that. I also didn’t feel comfortable to say I am autistic. I felt really devastated when I got back home. I texted one of my friends (the one who knows I am autistic) and said the whole conversation made me feel really bad. Since she is gay I said that I am feeling the same way you would feel if two of your friends talked about homosexuality the way they talked about autism (“being gay is fashion these days” “people use their homosexuality as an excuse for bad behavior”, “gay people should stay in the closet because society is not ready for them”…) She got really angry at me, literally told me to go fuck myself and that I am victimizing myself… I feel so hurt by this. invalidated. I don’t know… I just wanted to share :I

Jun 27, 2023 at 11:44pmWeb
Show threaddot20Jun 28, 2023
Sounds like you need new friends.
Show threadSAPHIRAJun 28, 2023
When you tried to express your feelings, your friend made it about themselves. You are the one who was wronged, you are allowed to be upset! How could she even talk about autism this way, especially knowing you are one, and knowing you are listening to everything being said. Anyone would be upset hearing those things, even more so if it's from someone they trust enough to share something like that with! You are valid!
Show threadpmakholmJun 28, 2023

That is the perfect response. You didn't call her out for being gay. You tried to convey your experience in a way you would expect her to be able to relate to directly. Sadly, that didn't seem to be the way she understood it.

Communication is hard.

Show threadkhan_shot_1stJun 28, 2023

Oof. They were way over the line to say things like that, and to double down and get angry when you expressed that you'd been hurt is so unacceptable.

If it were me, I would limit social interaction with them until an apology that demonstrates understanding is given freely.

But that's not the biggest point. The biggest thing is that you ARE valid. Your diagnosis is valid (even self-diagnosis). You don't have to justify your existence to bigots. Ever. Sorry this happened to you. We see you. It sucks that people suck.

Show threadRyanJun 28, 2023

First off, I’m sorry that this happened to you.

If it were me, I’d drop that " “friend” " (extra quotes added for emphasis) like a boulder off a cliff. People that are actually friends listen & make amends when told their words caused pain & invalidation.

If it were me (I’m not familiar with your life situation outside of this post), I wouldn’t contact her in any way/shape/form, and the only words I would say if she contacted me would be:

“Actions have consequences,” and walk away.

I know that some of what I’ve wrote may come across as harsh & nuclear, but I have no patience for people that do this. Life is too short to keep people like around.

In spite of the negativity & pain being spewed out of our screens, there are plenty of people that do care & empathize.

Show threadmilesJul 7, 2023
as someone who is also queer i actually think the comparison is pretty apt, sounds like she doesn't understand your experiences. i'm sorry you had to go through this