All y'all saying "oh it'll probably only take you a week to learn Golang, it's not that much of a time-sink" are clearly not accounting for the time I'll then spend fixing bugs in the Go apps I am using (rather than just filing issues against them)!

It's OK everybody, I worked around learning Golang (for now) by rewriting one of the outdated/buggy Go-based things in Bash, so that's good.