Also from this media outlet, I'm sure:

"420 reasons to stay away from listicles"

"Help - I have no time in the mornings to do the nine things"

Ya gotta be pretty low on irony + empathy to think that the answer to everyone's "scatterbrained" is to pack their mornings with the same 9 (nine! NEIN!) things. FWIW, the dude on the photo looks like he's happy to stops where I usually stop each morning: thing two: coffee.