Target Removes All Towels From Stores After Soaking-Wet Lunatic Objects To Dryness

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Bowing to the demands of the pro-moist movement, Target reportedly removed all towels from stores Thursday after a soaking-wet lunatic objected to dryness. “We apologize to the sopping individual who felt angry and threatened by our promotion of dryness,” said Target CEO Brian Cornell, explaining that…