I am the very model of a hacker individual,

I’ve information cryptographic, analog and digital,

I know every cypherpunk, adhere to Kerckhoff’s principle,

I bounce from node to node so I can make myself invisible.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with server vulnerability,

I escalate my privilege and I trash availability,

I know the latest breaches and I know first when the ‘net’s ablaze,
Nets ablaze nets ablaze…
With many cheerful facts about developments in zero days.


I’m very good at cracking but I can support security;

I know that it is bollocks if you seek it with obscurity
In short, in matters cryptographic, analog and digital,

I am the very model of a hacker individual.

You hired a consultant who says industry needs "four point O"

Well that was a big mistake 
and now because of me you know
I'll hack your company so bad you'll lose your golden parachute 

and though I'm proud I will not brag
 my hacks are hard to attribute

I can open any doors with tumblers or RFID

I've got root and have the keys to all your cryptocurrency
I can sing your servers dead by reaching a high decibel

No matter where I log in from, I’m guaranteed to pop a shell

I know our hacker history from Ada to the Admiral,

If I ever leave a trace at most it is ephemeral,

If you like flights that go to space thank Johnson, Vaughan and Jackson too,

Jerry Lawson for the console that plays games, yes more than two!
What are you even doing if your team is all cis not trans
And who wired up these tubes? That would be our furry friends.

In short, in matters cryptographic, analog and digital,
there’s more than just one way to be a hacker individual.

@akareilly @Aphrodite I love this so much I am not even going to fix the scansion.

@gewalker @Aphrodite

I’m curious how you’d do this, since I changed it after singing it with the sheet music in front of me. It has more verses to accommodate the diversity in STEM section.

@akareilly @Aphrodite I really didn’t want to nitpick, especially the cis-and-trans and furry lines. I’m just finding it tough to find a reading that sings well. However I _don’t_ have the score in front of me and may well be wrong. Regardless I do ❤️it. Literal chat I just had.

@gewalker I literally sang this along to a recording by the English National Opera company. If it doesn’t have the same number of syllables, it’s because there are rests there to make it fit. Trust me, I’m a mutant who can tell if someone is a fraction of a second off tempo.

It also helps that I’m a classically trained trumpet player. Happy that you enjoyed it!

Once my allergies take a break I’ll record it because it takes a lot of lung capacity to actually sing the thing.

@akareilly I believe you, and hope you feel better soon. I played trumpet back in high school myself.
@gewalker then you know where this comes from. One season in youth orchestra counting 10,000 measures hoping the violins and woodwinds don’t @#%!!! it up before you get to “ba dum BA DA!” makes the mind wander
@akareilly oh yes. Choir camp with a director determined to teach 100 horny teenagers to sing the Kyrie from K.49 in a week.
@akareilly I think I am actually misplacing a line in my head, so carry on, please.