@davidaugust "Hi, you've reached the mobile of xyz... My business hours are 9am to 5.30pm. If it's urgent... Please press 1."

Pressing 1 takes the caller back to the start of the message..

Any other key: "West of House. You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here. In the mailbox is a message that says..."

now loop back voicemail 😂