[CEO in Townhall]
I want you to "want" to come back to the office!

[Most Staff]
Why? Our remote productivity is thru the roof!

[CEO to EVPs]
I want people in the office 50% of the week.

[Anyone that knows basic Math]
5 days / 50% is 2.5?
You know that means round UP

[CIO to IT Managers]
I want people "close to an office" to come in 3 days a week.

[ME]
You closed my office and I live over 2 hours away from the next one.

[THEM]
Yep, that's considered close. No exceptions.

ARGH. Spinning up my resume. Not spending 12+ hours a week in a car again.