Link to twitter below:
https://twitter.com/RobertRMorris/status/1611450270365392904?s=20
The thread is about AI text/chat and mental health, but this is the post that stood out to me.
1/
“Maybe we’re so desperate to be heard, to have something actually pay attention to us without being distracted, without looking at a phone or checking slack or email or twitter — maybe we long for that so deeply, we’ll convince ourselves that the machines actually care about us.”
When I work with clients, one of the most common refrains is that they are immensely grateful to be heard, seen, witnessed. To have someone listen to them.
And I think about the brouhaha around situations that involve blocking. The common thread I see in arguments against/frustrations with blocking is that the person wants to engage. Desperately. (despite the other party having/enforcing boundaries)
2/
But it feels like there's some confusing "engagement" for "connection."
Thing is, connection involves boundaries. People have boundaries (whether they're said out loud or acknowledged or not), AI doesn't have boundaries. So it can engage all day long, and not really connect.
3/
When you, as a person (or a collective of people) enforce a boundary, and there's that howl that you're being closed minded or hostile, the howl comes from that desire to connect...but the part that's missing is the understanding that connection goes back and forth. You hit a boundary and back up a bit. Take things down a notch.
But if the understanding is that engagement is connection, then there's the drive to keep engaging no matter what.
"Maybe if I engage harder it'll work!"
4/
Looking back at the tweet that started this spiral, AI may be able to scratch the engagement itch. But the engagement hunters are really hungry for connection.
5/
Keeping that in mind, nobody *owes* you connection.
6/
{tangent that i hope illustrates that: Years ago, I had a podcast, and was asked why I didn't listen to Joe Rogan since he had a successful podcast. I had (have) no interest in listening to him. The things I've heard him espouse are chafing ON TOP of the corrosive nature of the bullshit I soak in daily as a Black woman in the US. I'm just fine not dealing with him, and I'm not obligated to listen to him, perceived success or no.}
6.5/
So what are folks looking for? Only they can answer that. Looking for engagement from people who value connection? That way lies pain. (and frustration and annoyance)
7/
Know what makes a boundary?
Consequences.
If you do/violate/continue X, then Y.
Consequences come from boundaries.
Remember that.
8/
Boy, this is a ramble...
If engaging leads to you repeatedly stepping on rakes, maybe take a step back and try connection. It's more vulnerable...more awkward, and it's a skill that takes a minute to develop.
...or maybe you could turn to an AI to banter with.
fin/
@tsaiberia
Rambling is okay. Rambling is messy, like life…or connection.
Boundaries are essential for authentic connection, IMO. It has become common to confuse engagement with connection — especially on algorithm-driven social media. AI driven engagement isn’t, and can’t ever replace authentic connection.
I wanted to add that compassion and empathy hinge on boundaries too. Reminds me of this quote:
courtney
The Velvet Hammer
KimberlyN 