Spoke to my therapist about attempting to get a formal ADHD diagnosis and the conversation went... sideways...

She seems to be a big fan of the social model of disability (which I am as well), but also seems to be completely against any medical treatments including medication to the point where our entire session became about why I would be "medicine seeking" or why I am insistent that I "need to be fixed"...

She asked me what I thought me + Ritalin/Adderall could do that me without foreign substances in my body couldn't do.

I thought it would be a step forward since I am heavily dependent on caffeine to even function with multiple energy drinks, coffee, and soda all being necessary for me to focus enough to perform my day job and said that I felt that a supervised dosage of stimulants had to be better for my health than self-applied legal stimulants with no direction...

Needless to say, she disagreed and immediately moved to "What if we worked to make it so that you don't need any stimulants?" which felt a lot like she was denying my personal experience...

I have tried going caffeine-free and it gets really bad, like missing appointments and failing in my obligations to people that I care about bad... All sense of time goes right out the window and everything I do seems to become special interest directed... It's not good...

I'm sure that my immediate and chosen families would give me some grace while attempting such a journey of self-actualization, but there are also the realities of Capitalism where I am the primary income in my house and I have a whole host of responsibilities that I have taken on as a parent, home owner, and adult that I can't just throw off onto others/disregard because "using caffeine to regulate my brain chemistry" is somehow denying my own inherent worth? Ugh...
@BeardedRogue is your therapist suggesting you go off coffee because wow does that seem like a bad idea. I had a bad therapist that kept pushing a reconnection to Christianity and brother were they off the mark

@Boardinthelibrary Nothing as drastic as turning to Christianity, she is a Buddhist and understands that a lot of my major hang-ups are from my Catholic up-bringing...

She seems very anti-medicine (including of course big pharma) so much so that the mere suggestion of looking into medicine resulted in her suggesting that we should instead be moving in the other direction and look to start removing anything that I am currently using to manage things...

@BeardedRogue @Boardinthelibrary

I would file this under "would you suggest I stop using glasses and work on seeing better".

@silentdibs @Boardinthelibrary Yep. I'm asking for a pro to look at my prescription so that I can stop using the glasses that I slapped together from random bits and she is suggesting that I instead work on ditching them all together.

I wouldn't seek a diagnosis lightly and it seems to me like a supervised medical response has to be better than my fumbling, but apparently anything outside me is "trying to fix myself". Not sure how therapy isn't included in that...

@BeardedRogue @Boardinthelibrary
[furiously taking notes]
I am at a crossroads in my own life and part of my path forward is getting a similar diagnosis for myself. So you have all my sympathies.
@BeardedRogue @silentdibs @Boardinthelibrary Have you considered asking your GP about it? I would've had to go to them anyway for it since my therapist can't prescribe so I talked to him about it and we tried something that's been working for me.
@kellenfreeman @silentdibs @Boardinthelibrary I'd have to have a GP for that... With the recent move, we haven't gotten that up and running yet... Guess that is my next step...