Teams 1-16:

England: 7 (2-1-0), 7 (9-2)
Netherlands: 7 (2-1-0), 4 (5-1)
Morocco: 7 (2-1-0), 3 (4-1)
France: 6 (2-0-1), 3 (6-3)
Argentina: 6 (2-0-1), 3 (5-2)
Portugal: 6 (2-0-1), 2 (6-4)
Brazil: 6 (2-0-1), 2 (3-1)
Senegal: 6 (2-0-1), 1 (5-4)
Japan: 6 (2-0-1), 1 (4-3)
Switzerland: 6 (2-0-1), 1 (4-3)
Australia: 6 (2-0-1), -1 (3-4)
Croatia: 5 (1-2-0), 3 (4-1)
USA: 5 (1-2-0), 1 (2-1)
Spain: 4 (1-1-1), 6 (9-3)
Germany: 4 (1-1-1), 1 (6-5)
Ecuador: 4 (1-1-1), 1 (4-3)

[2/n]

Teams 17-32:

Cameroon: 4 (1-1-1), 0 (4-4)
South Korea: 4 (1-1-1), 0 (4-4)
Poland: 4 (1-1-1), 0 (2-2)
Uruguay: 4 (1-1-1), 0 (2-2)
Tunisia: 4 (1-1-1), 0 (1-1)
Mexico: 4 (1-1-1), -1 (2-3)
Belgium: 4 (1-1-1), -1 (1-2)
Ghana: 3 (1-0-2), -2 (5-7)
Saudi Arabia: 3 (1-0-2), -2 (3-5)
Iran: 3 (1-0-2), -3 (4-7)
Costa Rica: 3 (1-0-2), -8 (3-11)
Denmark: 1 (0-1-2), -2 (1-3)
Serbia: 1 (0-1-2), -3 (5-8)
Wales: 1 (0-1-2), -5 (1-6)
Canada: 0 (0-0-3), -5 (2-7)
Qatar: 0 (0-0-3), -6 (1-7)

[3/n]

There were three pairs of teams with identical records:

* Japan and Switzerland
* Camaroon and South Korea
* Poland and Uruguay

Of the first pair, both qualified; of the other two pairs, one from each qualified (South Korea and Poland), and the other from each pair was eliminated (Cameroon and Uruguay).

[4/n]

Unsurprisingly, 14 of the 16 teams with the best qualification records went through to the knockout stage. The unlucky two to be eliminated were, appropriately, the bottom two of that list: Germany and Ecuador.

Conversely, the lucky teams that qualified despite being in the bottom half of group-match records were the 2nd and 3rd best in that bottom half: South Korea and Poland.

[5/n]

Australia were the only team to make it into the group stage with a negative goal difference (–1). They did it by beating both Denmark and Tunisia 1-0, but losing 4-1 to France.

Germany and Ecuador were the only teams to be eliminated despite a positive goal difference (only +1 in both cases).

[6/n]

Despite finishing with the worst goal difference — their -8 was two worse than anyone else — Costa Rica were far from the worst team, getting three points when three teams got only one and two got none at all.

(Oddly, no teams finished on two points — in other words, no-one drew two games and lost the other. Two teams DID draw twice and win the other, though: Croatia and the USA)

[7/n]

Croatia and the USA thus became two of the five unbeaten teams. The other three were the ones at the top of the table, all of whom won two and drew one. (No-one won all their games.)

[8/n]

The worst team of all was Qatar, the hosts. Three defeats, seven goals conceded and only one goal scored. That one was scored against Senegal. I regret that the Lions of Teranga were unable to complete the shut-out, leaving the horrible hosts as unambiguously the worst team in World Cup history. [Editorial interjection: they should never, ever have been given the World Cup for a hundred different reasons.]

[9/n]

More surprisingly, the team with the best record in qualifying was ... England. Two wins, one draw, no defeats; nine goals scored (a tally equalled only by Spain); two conceded, both to Iran (and one of them a sympathy penalty that should never have been been awarded, but that may just be my English-coloured glasses speaking).

As an English football fan, I will be careful not to over-interpret this fact. But let's enjoy it a little while we can. woot.

[10/n]

I had intended to all but ignore this World Cup, due to the flagrant Fifa corruption, the appalling human-rights record of the hosts, and the stupid timing right in the middle of the season. But I have to admit it's drawn me in (maybe because I've been ill, too depleted to work, and with nothing else to do but watch free football on terrestrial TV).

In the end, it's still a World Cup, and every World Cup MATTERS, dammit. Even this stupid one.

[11/11 and ends]