HacklockI’m gonna repost some of my old tweets to really just rub my butt on everything and make it feel like a home
Lifehack: be inventive, practical and resourceful in everyday situations to save money, time, resources and effort
“I love gay stuff now” says everyone
Sext: you take up to make-out point at the fiscal cliff. We keep blocking each others advances
If I knew my ex-husbands address I’d regularly send postcards with movie spoilers on the back
A bulk meat order just arrived and it came with a certificate of authenticity?! So excited about cooking up these authentic meats
-WORKOUTS FOR SAD PEOPLE- with moves such as: Fetal-Position-flex, Bed-Bound Plank & The Sobbing Stomach Smasher. Buy my DVD
A guy outside my window burped and I said “excuse you” and he screamed
What if it’s not pee stored in the balls but his food supply for the winter
Groove is stored in the heart
If you ever used the toilet at Ric’s you don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine
Coming home from work, loosening my tie, grabbing a beer and flopping down into this chair. Looking up from under my eyebrows, I think about Steve who stole my lunch from the break room fridge again… and I start to laugh
“I’m cancelled! Im cancelled” I continue to insist as I’m simulcast across platforms and get written into the curriculum
Which appliance brand is brave enough to invest in my industry redefining idea of a model of electric kettle called the Kettle Wettle??? (@‘s various brands and gets no replies)
Using a dental dam to kiss the blarney stone
Living back with my mum is often frustrating but then she’ll do something like she did today and it's worth it (Sneak a shovel into the cemetery to secretly bury my relatives ashes next to their mums grave)
Sometimes I get so tired I feel and sound drunk. I call it being insleepbriated