Nikki Pinski

Mastodon is full of hope as the intersection of society & tech is top of mind. So I want to ask you ethical technologists & passionate humanists for advice.

I've been growing in anxiety for 5yrs over more young men getting radicalized into hate&misogyny. I see my young self in them - nerdy, frustrated, angry. I got through it & became a well-rounded feminist, but that seems far from certain on today's internet.

I want to do more to help fight this problem but I don't know where to even start.

Nov 14, 2022 at 5:15amWeb
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 14, 2022

I try to be an active ally/role model where I can. I'm a father to a son, & think lots about my responsibilities. I try to win the hearts & minds of peers who buck against DEI initiatives.

But I have no connection to the disenfranchised frustrated angry youths on 4chan, reddit, twitter.

Yet I was just like them, and I feel there must be more I must do to help them see how they can work through their problems without vitriol & violence.

Don't really want to become an influencer though...

Show threadvolatile voidNov 14, 2022
@nik If you haven't already, check out the alt right playbook. Certainly helped me to understand how these communities work. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJA_jUddXvY7v0VkYRbANnTnzkA_HMFtQ
The Alt-Right Playbook

YouTube
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 15, 2022
@volatilevoid I love that one! It's probably the best tool out there. Essential for understanding how to approach someone who's down this rabbit hole.
Show threadNicolas 🦀Nov 14, 2022

@nik I've been through a similar journey and share the same anxiety as you here.

15 years ago I was in that boat, with low self esteem, being angry, and believing into things like the ladder theory.

I then had a life changing event, was sick for 6 months. I lost a bunch of weight, couldn't drink alcohol anymore, and weirdly enough that put me on a journey to have more confidence in myself.

That still didn't make me into the feminist I am today, though.

Show threadNicolas 🦀Nov 14, 2022

@nik As I got more confident, I started to talk to women more, got into relationships, etc. but I've always been fairly curious and open.

I learned a lot by listening to their experience, seeing how much tougher they can have it for things that just look easy to us. I can't even count the number of times people (no matter their gender) are just nicer to me than my SO just because I'm a guy...

Show threadNicolas 🦀Nov 14, 2022

@nik What worries me compared to 15 years ago is how many people are now preying on low self-esteem, using it to maintain that hate and misogyny just so they can sell stuff - "self-improvement" programmes, dating coaching, etc.

But these folks are just perpetuating the cycle by exploiting young men's vulnerabilities and a toxic idea of masculinity which prevent them from speaking out about their pains.

Show threadJPNov 14, 2022
@nik What kick started your journey from your younger self to the one you value today?
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 15, 2022

@byjp a few key good friends who were patient with me when I was a shit about concepts like feminism and "women's studies". George Carlin.

A lot of it was just time. But the key was I GOT time. I shudder to imagine what would have happened if 4chan or reddit existed then, and what kind of redpill hole I would have been sucked down. By the time that stuff came around, I had life experience, and I could approach it truly critically.

At 16? It would have been heroin for me. :(

Show threadJPNov 19, 2022
@nik thank you for sharing! I figure a good place to start is to find ways to offer what helped us when we were in those spaces. Not everyone will value it, but enough people putting the effort in adds up to someone finding it useful. It helped you it seems, and I've also been a lucky recipient of patience from wiser friends. Today I try to give more patience than I've received, and that seems like as good a place to start as any 😊
Show threadTinaNov 14, 2022
@nik It's hard. The patriarchal messaging in society is strong so it's obvious that men become that way. Alternatives are rare. So two ideas;
1. Look for organizations around critical masculinity, that try to rework internalized patriarchal messages. There was quite the movement in the 90is, don't know what is left.
2. Work in antifascism. Those who have gone down the rabbit hole can only be convinced by stopping them.
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 15, 2022

@wunder2welt good call.

But I worry that the kind of angry young extremely online dude who I could help would already be dismissive of such groups purely for the lolz before they even realized they were in the radicalization pipeline. They wouldn't think they believed in an Ideology - rather just trolling. But they're already part of the way there because they wouldn't be listening.

Show threadTinaNov 15, 2022
@nik At that stage, you cannot reach them anymore, imho. They will only stop if they realize that their stance is unacceptable by society/their close ones.
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 15, 2022
@wunder2welt I think this is the fundamental thing that I'm trying to get at! It's reasonable to abandon those in this stage & focus on their targets. But I think this thread has several men who remember our unreasonable teenage "troll" mindset, know we got through it/out, but see that teens today don't get that chance. I propose that WE are the men that need to do more - it's on us to try to reach these kids, but I don't know where to start. I see a list of potential allies in the replies tho!
Show threadBindestrichNov 14, 2022
@nik I am seeing the same patterns, as you, which is why this is my area of research. most of the solutions need to be collective. e.g. male loneliness is due to long work hours and commute, lack of public places that are non commercial etc. what we, as men that a pro feminist, can do is to demand those changes and take part in the conversations that are dominated by the likes of andrew tate , here is a subreddit for that https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/
Be the men's issues conversation you want to see in the world. • r/MensLib

The men's issues discussion has been sorely held back by counterproductive tribalism. We're building a new dialogue on the real issues facing men...

reddit
Show threadRinhiaNov 14, 2022
@nik Thank you for sharing this. I don't know where you are based, but if you are lucky there are youth workers and maybe even a regular program already addressing this in some way or another in your town. Sometimes they also work with volunteers, so you could join in. For Germany I have a few examples and am happy to share.
Show threadRinhiaNov 14, 2022
@nik I just recently talked to a good friend of mine, who is a youth worker and primarily works with boys. His analysis is similar. There are (rightly so) quite some girl empowerment programs and research. Although still not enough. But when it comes to boys there is barely anything, when we would bitterly need programs that address topics like toxic masculinity, feminism, heteronormativity etc.
Show threadNikki PinskiNov 15, 2022

@rinhia I'm in Vancouver, Canada, and yeah I need to do some research.

Its a terrible thing to say, but yeah in this area we are not doing right for our long term future in society by abandoning these kids. Most can get on the right path. And we need to be able to help them before actual fascists approach them and say "you have a home here and WE accept you"

Show threadsnoodNov 14, 2022
@nik Nothing special: keep an open mind, keep your humor and keep your distance from all closed philosophies of life and social bubbles. If you take the basic principles of "be nice", all people are equal and human rights are universal to heart, and are also aware of the fact that societies are unjust and that there are structural disadvantages (of which you yourself may hardly be affected), i don't think you need a hardcore feminist ideology, white awarness or a sense of guilt because you were born with advantages. It's enough if you are aware of this and deal with it responsibly. And empathy towards other people (even the weird ones) is always good.