ive hoped and dreamed my whole life that i would be someone of some significance, spurred on by all the authority figures around me who said i was gifted in some way. but somewhere along the line i've started to decline.

my energy is gone, i struggle to read books, my creative inspiration seems to have dried up. all the while i've failed to reach the skills and talents of my peers who taught themselves while i followed the culturally prescribed paths through formal education.

i can't help but compare myself and feel that i've fundamentally failed as a person. that i've squandered any potential i may have had on grades and tests, pushed myself past some breaking point, and now i'm just hollow. that i'll never again have the capacity or energy to push past working, consuming mindless entertainment, and sleeping. while those around me make genuine technical and creative contributions to the world.