So in addition to that, I had put in special effort to pass on that day, more than usual (To be read as a woman I mean.) because of my fear that if the judge decided that I wasn't presenting femininely enough or formally enough for that matter it could lead to my petition being denied. This is the kind of thinking society drills into trans people when it comes to interacting with systems of authority.

So after my business with the court was done I got on the bus to go home. (N95 Mask). A guy on the bus, after I was 90% done with the bus trip asks me "are you okay?" Now, this is a ridiculous question, nothing about my behavior or appearance suggested I wasn't "okay", but I'm not actually this jaded in reality, I answered him, "Yeah, I'm fine," and give a thumbs up in case I couldn't be heard through my mask.

This interaction is strictly me being nice. I didn't offer any consent to anything beyond the normal bounds of human interaction. But his reaction, is to wait for like 10 seconds of silence, and then walk over to the seat next to me, lean his whole bodyweight onto me, putting his face against my shoulder and say, "are you okay?" again. (the story ends without further unwanted touching, just for anyone who's getting nervous reading) (continued)

This was a crowded bus. lots of people chose not to say _ Anything _ when this happened. I responded loudly "I AM PHYSICALLY FINE. DO NOT LEAN ON ME." and he went back to his original seat. At his orginal seat which was about 4 feet from me, he began to cough horrible phlegmy coughs, and took his mask off about 3 coughs in. then he coughed more and sneezed. I was very close to my stop, so I pulled the stop cord aggressively.

Throughout all of this, only me and this man have said anything. everyone just sits by in silence, not even looking at us. I'm currently pissed at those people who let this just be my problem to deal with alone. Anyway I got off the bus just hoping he wouldn't get off too. looking back repeatedly I don't see him behind me. But as I get about 60 feet away, I see him getting off the bus.

Fortunately I had already been considering my evasive maneuvers in both cases, whether he had followed me or stayed on the bus, there were a few things to consider. If he had stayed on the bus. I needed to look like I was going in a different direction than my home until the bus was out of sight so he couldn't get hints at where I lived. in this case since he followed me, I had to do something trickier to evade him.

Since he was following me I made my first destination a business because I knew he couldn't do too much if we were in a public space. before going inside I looked back to check if he was really following me. he had taken a few steps into the parking lot, so I knew he wasn't just walking the same way as me at this point. I went in the front door and right out an alternate door where I was out of site, made several confusing turns and went home.

All this is to get at the difficulty of the name change process. I had to physically go there. Pay a lot of money to file it. And then go home, just to make an appointment for a later court date. over the coming weeks, I'll need to publish the name change in a newspaper, and return to court again, at the minimum. And in this relatively short amount of vulnerable time, I was harassed, unwelcomely touched, and stalked.

Having a government name is Involuntary. For trans people who change their name, being constantly outed by the government because of this, is a necessary step in ensuring your survival: at work, filling out government forms, and in many monetized social settings.