I know where it is they want me to go. But the choice is mine.” Opening my eyes I found his eyes looking at me.
“I’m not the best person to follow on these things. Spirits… I closed them out for years.” And what a mistake that had been.
“But.. when I did open up… it was like…” I place my hand on my chest abs lifted it out. “Like the world lifted off my heart.”
I nodded as I listened to her. I remembered what it was like to carry around that weight... I might not have at the time that was what it was but I was older and wiser now. “We all have a choice.” I muttered not letting myself be ashamed of my past ones. It was done and now my job was to be better.
“But you still carry the weight of the entire pack on you're shoulders...” my eyes never left her. “But you know you're going to Alpha... You won't back down from that.”
Why was I still looking at him? What was I searching for here? Maybe I could what it was the spirits wanted to show me?
And then I closed my eyes for a moment again. “Call…” I swallowed hard.
“How…” what was I trying to say? “Alpha… That’s Jake’s place… I can’t steal his birth right from him… in the name of the spirits… I just punched you in the face… that is not the making of an Alpha!”
Opening my eyes again. “It’s not as easy as waking up and saying… Yeah.. I’ll do it.”
@HotHeadSheWolf
I had been waiting for that. “You aren't stealing anything, Leah. Even if the Spirit’s hadn't chosen you Jake would.” I knew it was true not only was she next in line by blood and in rank. She was the obvious choice. #Jake and I were best friends our entire life and #Quil too of course.
But the way Quil and I were when we patrolled and fought together. We were made to be wielded as a pair by our alpha. Had make not taken his role as alpha it likely would have been the three >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< us.
“Have you spoken to #Jake about all of this?” I asked, still watching her posture and eyes so she couldn't hide the truth. Not that she would lie... But she was known for diverting conversations when they started to make her uncomfortable, and talkong about feelings wasnt her strong suit
@BadBoyEmbryCall parting my lips to disagree with him, but I stopped. Narrowing my eyes at the point he made about #Jake picking me.
A scoff left my chest, because for some reason I didn’t think it was true. And rightfully so. “Jake… for him to think I could take the role would mean for him to step down… and I don’t want to believe that he is willing to do that. Because if he wants that… Then it means we mean nothing to him right?”
Spirits… shocked washed over me when I heard myself. -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - Is that what was stopping me?
I shook my head at his next question. Because how was I meant to explain to him what I was about to do the last time #Jake and I spoke alone.
“Do you want a drink? I need a drink.” I didn’t wait for an answer, getting up I took the melted ice bag and the peas to the kitchen to find the hard stuff.
@HotHeadSheWolf
< her."
I was shocked she was offering me a drink instead of telling me it was time to go. "You know I'll never turn down a drink." I said in a softer tone and used the opportunity while she was out of the room to bring up a perspective that I knew might make her uncomfortable.
"Have you ever stopped to think that it will make it easier for #Jake to leave and be happy knowing the pack has a strong leader?" I felt a twinge in my gut when I thought how torn he must >
@BadBoyEmbryCall “Isn’t that half of the problem? The world for us is never just black and white. There’s so much grey that we don’t even know where we stand.”
And really I liked that part. We were always tested, and made to think about how things should be, and what needed to change. But this?
Placing the peas in the fridge, they were melted and I’d need to do something with them in the morning. But the ice was gone. -
So I ripped the bag open letting them water go down the drain before binning the bag.
“The thing you are forgetting here Call… Jake doesn’t know what the Spirits are asking of me. Only you do.” And why in the name of the spirits was that? What had I told him?
I rubbed my face. My hands flat on the counter top as I listened and breathes out. “He was ready to go that day. Packing up his things and poof…” -
I shook my head recalling the sight. Of standing there and watching.
“And you know I care about Jake and Ness. I was there the day that girl was born… but Fuck…” My chest started to tighten again. “He is our Alpha, But… Ness being his imprint… that means something too. And I’m not talking down the line when they have kids and all that crap. I mean all the imprints, they had a responsibility towards the tribe too. They have a -
role they were born to fulfil. And from where I am standing… right now… Emily is the only one stepping up to do that.”
Filling two glasses with doubles, one with whiskey I kept for the Kid, and the other with my bourbon. I returned to the living room.
A half laugh, with no humour in it escapes my lips. “Jake’s words to Billy, were about how he was leaving the pack in the capable hands of his Beta.” Walking over I set his glass on the table before him. -
“I’m not pissed about it. I never thought about being Alpha. I never dreamt of any of this. It’s…. It’s… not black and white Call.”
@HotHeadSheWolf
“I don’t think that’s true, the girls always try to pitch in hen the can.” I knew that #Emily was more involved in the community than any of them. And the #Sue, of course.
I listened to everything she was saying. “This is why you and #Jake need to talk about this… I’m mean you aren’t to take Alpha from him if he says he doesn’t want to, right?”
I knew the spirits didn’t get things wrong if they told Leah she would be Alpha it was going to happen. But that wasn’t the point I >
< was trying to make. I took the drink for her and set my dark gaze on her again.
“Right now you have this stress and anxiety about something that might not happen. You worry about displacing our Alpha and you don't even know if he planning on stopping down or not. If he is... Then we will need a leader and Jake will to have absolute faith in his successor.”
My brows pulled together, and I was biting on the inside of my cheeks. He was saying the same thing I heard from Ma and #Emily all the time. And yet is was always those two left to be the representatives of the pack with the rest of the tribe.
I rubbed my face, sitting down on the far side of the couch. ( well as far as I could make it with him sat on it too. )
“Let’s just agree to disagree.” I told him taking a hard gulp of the liquid in my glass.
-
I could feel his eyes on me, but this time I didn’t glance back. Instead I concentrated on the wall ahead of us. My eyes drifting to the guitar case on my armchair.
“I don’t do stress or anxiety.” Taking a sip this time from the glass. “It’s just…” I shook my head. “Why am I even telling you all of this?”
Why in the name of the spirits was I? I was used to doing this all alone. Working out the spirits, the pack and the tribes needs. But here he was again.
@HotHeadSheWolf
She was avoiding my gaze but that Was okay, she knew I was looking at her. “Okay maybe they weren’t the best choice of words.” I said, letting her have that one. Even though I knew she was in pain when I got here.
I just chuckled and took a sip from the drink she gave me and set it on the coffee table.
“Because you trust me.” I teased and stood up. “But until your ready to tell me what 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 is...” I lifted the guitar out of the case the took my seat on the couch again. >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< “I’m going to make myself at home.”
I sat back and settled the guitar across my lap... Leah didn't slip up... Whatever she was going to say, she meant to say. So if she needs time to figure why she meant to say it... I could wait.
I started to tease out a few chords. Keeping my eyes down and giving her the space to think.
@BadBoyEmbryCall “Hard pass on that one. Trust you? Really?”
My eyes now followed him unwillingly around the coffee table. I was ready to set my drink down and jump over the to take him down, if he tried to run with the guitar now.
But instead he was being a Wisearse.
I took another sip from the glass, my head darting up, and my eyebrows shot up too.
“Haven’t you been doing that openly of recent?”
But then again I wasn’t kicking him out.
‘You can’t, he only comes here when he is -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - looking for help.’ My wolf whispered. And I knew she had a point. But wasn’t #Quil and #Jake his go to?
“Are you threatening me with a good time?” Pointing to the guitar as the cords he played with started to form a tune I recognised. Sam Hunt… Take your time..
‘Unspoken message’ she said as I drank.
@HotHeadSheWolf
I chuckled when she mentioned I was making myself at home a lot lately. She was right… but every time I ended up here it felt I was where I was meant to be. Despite knowing the Leah hated having people in her space.
“I suppose I have.” I smirked cheekily and neglected to mention that she’d never kicked me out. My fingers still plucking strings.
I winked at her and replied. “It’s always a good time when it’s me a guitar, Trouble. You should know that be know.” I knew there >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< Going on behind those deep brown eyes right now.
I was happy to distract her until those thoughts took shape. I just played the song and had lyrics playing in my head as I did.
“I’m not adding your name to the list.” Muttering, as I rested my head back on the couch. #Seth was my Kid, #Mac had somehow made his place in too. But now Call too? Nope…
‘Stop lying to yourself. You don’t lie.’ Now that my Wolf was sure I wouldn’t hit him. she lay her head down and closed her eyes.
I pursed my lips tight, the words to the tune had started to form. But I knew how to keep them locked away. I didn’t need to think, it was an action I -
did without needing to.
Bringing the glass up to my lips I stopped in my tracks, reaching out I slapped him over the side of his head. “Who do you think you are winking at here? Are you forgetting men have lost their crown jewels for less?” He was really making himself at home here.
This time I did take a mouthful of the bourbon, my eyebrow raising at being called 𝘛𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 again. “You really have a death wish tonight, just know if I do kill you… I will keep Ms C happy.”
@HotHeadSheWolf
I laughed at her again as my fingers stilled over the strings. I ignored her empty threats if was going to do that she would have when she slugged me.
"So are we going to talk about whatever it was you wanted to say or do you need to keep it to yourself and come find me when you're ready?" And I did say the 'For a change' that was running though my mind.
I had my eyes trained on the ceiling now. Listening to the mix of his fingers playing with the guitar strings, and the effects he seemed to have on the Spirits tonight.
My head turned slowly towards him again. He hadn’t forgotten? I had deflected, change the subject, and he pulled me right back to where I stopped.
“What makes you think I’d come looking for you?”
My wolf scoffed, rolling her eyes at me. ‘Does he have to start a fresh each time he comes to see you?’
@HotHeadSheWolf
This was exactly the response I was expecting. “Because there are clearly some things you get off your cheat and say out loud.” I explained plainly. Leaning careful love the guitar to grab my drink from the coffee table and finish it.
“And if you're not ready to talk to #Jake about them then I don't see why I couldn't be your sounding board.” I gave a slight shrug of my shoulders and turned my gaze back on her. “I mean there's a reason the I'm the only one you've told, right? >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< ever if neither of us knows why.”
I seg the empty glass down again and played lightly with the string wothouta tine in mind.
@BadBoyEmbryCall my throat worked as I consider him. Narrowing my eyes, ready to tell him I wasn’t the sharing try. But he was right. I’d already shared, I’d already put my burdens on his shoulder. And right now, no one else knew about any of it.
But before I could think, I asked another question. “Why did you say what you did to Jake tonight? You must have known we could all hear you. The pups, the wolves… Ness…”
I wasn’t deflecting this time, I needed to know.
@HotHeadSheWolf
I exhaled heavily and looked down to compose myself, I wasn't at all proud of how I behave with #Jake tonight.
I set my gaze back on hers. “Ever since I found out the Jake was leaving I've been avoiding him... Because when I saw him all I could think was ‘How am I supposed to survive losing my Mom with him?’” I dragged my hand through my hair. “It was a moment of weakness. I let the dark thoughts win. But I didn't thinks the kids would hear with the rain and all of them >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< talking. But I can talk to them. I’ll set it straight again.”
I didn't apologise to her again, I would prove that by talking to kids and making it right.
A sense of pressure built at the bridge of my nose, the base of my jaw tightened and I was overcome internally feeling the prickling behind my eyes.
That pressure was more pronounced building on my chest, and I for some reason couldn’t take the air around me into my lungs.
Rubbing my eyes and my temples with one hand, I took the rest of my bourbon down in one.
“I don’t know if fixing it is the right thing to say or do. Maybe because of who you are, and how you are… -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - what the pups, Jake and You need is to show them your fear?”
I wasn’t mad at him for what he said, it was more about how and where it was said. Okay, sure I was pissed at the time. But #Jake had been the one to ask and push. And Call… well… we all heard where that had ended.
@HotHeadSheWolf
“Oh... I'm not sorry that I let that fear show.” I said without hesitation. “But #Jake doesn't deserve what I said. He’s been with me through everything... None of this is his fault. And #Ness needs him a lot more than I do.”
I sat back a little and set the guitar to the side gently. “They need to know that the older Warriors aren't flawless, we are all still human too, that when we screw up we can fix it. The pack is about more than having each other's back on runs, its all >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< all the time.”
I smiled at her. “You know that better than any of us.”
The lines between my eyebrows deepened, at that observation he made for himself. He wasn’t sorry? Hmm… that was something that came from growth, right?
‘Evolution.’ She whispered.
“It’s not about what Jake deserved, it’s more…” Biting the inside of my cheek I sat up. Placing my now empty glass on the table before sitting back. “… It’s more to do with the fact that you had undergone these thoughts and not spoken about them. They are used to knowing everything -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - you think and feel…”
It was an assumption I had made about this man because it was all he said. ‘𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬.’ How far from the truth that was for some things, while for others it may have been true.
Combing my fingers through my hair I shifted to let it fall down the back of the couch. My eyes on him catching that smile of his. Didn’t that smile used to be some cocky thing that I wanted to punch off his face?
-
@BadBoyEmbryCall - ‘No more thoughts of punching.’ She turned my attention to my hand that was no longer smarting.
“Are you sitting in my house, telling me that I’m not flawless Embry Call? Because we all know I am perfection incarnate.”
@HotHeadSheWolf
“It wasn't something I was hiding from all of you, I was hiding from myself.” I sighed and dropped my eyes for just a second while I got a hold of myself. “I know that it's a normal fear to have when you have a family member on the transplant list. But it’s Mom... You know?” my throat started to feel thick. “She’s a fighter... She can’t...”
The lump in my throat cut off my words. My hand dragged through my hair and I worried my bottom lip. I swallowed hard,
“Most of the >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< time it's easy to stay positive... But sometimes... Not often... when I'm alone it's harder to keep the darker thoughts out.”
I laughed at her, the smile was genuine but smaller than usual. “I think that's exactly what I said.” I teased. “But you're a whole lot closer than the rest of us...”
@BadBoyEmbryCall there was something about seeing this side of him. The rawness of it was true and unbidden, taking ownership of those dark moments wasn’t easy.
And I knew the two sides of this coin too well, I knew what it meant to think of the best and then fight the worst when you were on your own.
I saw everything he did and said. My eyes missing nothing. The worry, the lip bite hiding something more or showing his uncertainty? The smile that wasn’t fully there. And that laughter. -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - “Don’t do that.” My voice low and calm as I spoke. “This mechanism you have, hiding behind your laughter. It dirties the waters for when you are truly happy.”
I knew I had no right to say it. But still. “Aren’t you the one who tells me to live in the moment, and to stop overthinking and planning? I know it’s hard to… when it’s your mom… but have faith… in her… in the spirits… what is meant to be… is what will come to pass.”
‘Think of taking your own advice sometimes?’ -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - she dug in there without a breath.
I told her this wasn’t about me. And to keep her comments to herself tonight.
@HotHeadSheWolf
Was that what I was doing? Was I hiding behind the always happy guy that people had grown to expect from me?
“I don't even know why I do that.” I admitted without meaning to. “That is good advice most of the time. But it didn't serve me too well tonight wine I spoke without thinking.”
I shrugged a little, catching the scent of the night air through the open window. “But honestly... I feel better. I know Jake will forgive me, and maybe now things can go back to normal until >
Taking a few long slow deep breaths I closed my eyes as he spoke. Listening to him and the hum coming from the windows. Bringing the two sounds one of a living person and the other of the our ancestors together.
“I don’t think we know half the time why we do stuff. Sometimes it just becomes a thing until someone stands up and shows us a mirror.”
My wolf flashed the moment our eyes landed on him at the underground fight, then when he fought his way into the changing room. -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - I shook the thoughts back away. I got the message.
Opening my eyes I turned my head to look up at the ceiling, letting my head fall back into the couch again.
“You and Jake, you’re li—“ I stopped and corrected myself. “— are brothers. He knows where you came from. I don’t think he will ever hold the delivery of the message against you. The part he may hold you up on is not telling him sooner.”
Swallowing hard, because I knew that went for me too. But I couldn’t.
@HotHeadSheWolf
I smiled, this time at the irony of her words. She was right... He was probably still wide awake with Nessie right now... asking her why... why did I wait, why did I hold that inside for so long. Why didn't tell him?... Hell, why didn't I scream it at him like I did tonight weeks ago?
She lay back against the couch, anything to avoid looking at me when she was saying something that revealed more of her to me. "That great advice..." I said a hint of mischief. "Have you ever >
And there it was, some how he’d made the same connection and he wasn’t afraid of saying it too.
‘He’s a bright spark this one. I like him.’ My wolf sat up at nice again, a little too pleased as the fact that Call was ok the same page as her.
I told her to shut up, and to lay back down. If she kept this up, I’d swap out my next run. That would teach her.
“We are talking about you, and the advice you aren’t seeing. Not what I should or shouldn’t be doing.”
-
@BadBoyEmbryCall - Just because I knew what I should’ve be doing, didn’t mean it was easy and plain sailing to just step up.
I had to be ready for the fall out, the what ifs where winning. And that pissed me off too. I hated 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧?.
@HotHeadSheWolf
I knew she would go that... I just laughed softly and shook my head. I shifted closer and nudged her knee with mine. Trying to get to look back at me... That depth in her eyes that had become so apparent lately gave me insights into her that I never knew existed before.
“As much as I love talking about myself...” I teased her. “I think we're done with part of the conversation. Look... I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But you should give it some thought. Maybe even >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< talk it over with someone wiser.” I tapped a finger against her tattoed bicep, just lightly and for a split second.
“Just remember that it's an option and that Jake has your back too... All the pack... So just... Give it some thought. And if you need a sounding board you know where to find me. I've kept your secret so far... I think I could keep a few more.”
The sound of my couch moving was the give away before him slipped closer, and then my hand was fisted and I lifted it up to give him a dead leg when his knee touched mine.
But my wolf stopped me, so instead I combed my fingers through my hair and then glanced over to him.
He wasn’t giving in. ‘Would you? Have you when he needed help?’ She said it again.
But then he was doing that thing with his eyes again. Just like his mom, it was like they had a way to deep dive -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - into a person’s secrets.
“I’ve done nothing but think about it.” Talking to someone wasn’t so easy, but then that’s what #TheGreatWolf had been there for.
The tightness in my chest was easier now, but it didn’t mean all was well again.
My skin felt a jolt, making the muscles in my arm react to his touch. That was new. Static electricity… it had to be…
“Are you reminding me of my own lessons to you? We call that recycled advice here Embry Call.”
My eyes reminded on -
@BadBoyEmbryCall - as I spoke now.
“It’s not fair that I am making to keep secrets. I…” needed someone to trust.
‘Trust him!’ She whispered.
“I know what I have to do, I know what they want me to do. But I’m not sure I am the right choice.”
The words came out like I was throwing them on a wall hoping they would stick and not slide to the ground.
“It’s hard to know you messed up before you were of the age to step up. So… I fucked up, before any of you arses new how to wipe your nose.”
@HotHeadSheWolf
“Have you really, though? Have sat and thought specifically about saying all of this to #Jacob?” I asked her, not because I wanted her to answer. I just wanted to hear the question, you plant a seed of it in her.
I laughed a little when she said she wasn't sure. That sounded familiar. “I've heard the before you know. When Jake phased the first time. I heard it from him... I felt it from #Sam. And honestly, I think with that hint of doubt there's no feeling of responsibility. >
@HotHeadSheWolf
< if it's handed to simply because you were the first or because of your last name... Your bloodline. Then you are entitled... It hasn't be earned, why strive to be better when your title tells you you already are. And I'll you what I told #Jake... And I still stand by it today. You may not be sure, Leah... But I am. The wind is shifting, he knows it too.”
My gaze didn't flatter from hers once. “He didn't listen to me... And it ended with brothers and sisters at what with one >
ᒪEᗩᕼ ᑕᒪEᗩᖇᗯᗩTEᖇ
Embry Call