Cassi the Fieryme when I'm sitting alone at the house:
"check the facts," I mutter to myself while doing nothing of the sort
example episode -
someone: *doesn't tell me when they'll be back*
my brain: they don't care about you. they don't love you as much as you love them. they never did. you're not important. they're probably fucking someone else right now. they're laughing at you. you're a piece of shit. this is why you shouldn't trust people. you react like this any time you're apart, you bring pain and misery and make everyone walk on eggshells. they deserve better. if you gave them more sex they'd stay
if did everything they ask maybe they wouldn't cheat. I bet they're cheating. you're borderline, so what you think is correct never is. why would anyone want you. you're useless anyway. you're a pretend person. you're just a filler. they're ignoring you because they're sick of you. if you speak up they'll cheat and/or leave you. they still haven't replied because they're fucking. boy will you look like an idiot, smiling and fawning over them. you're getting older and still empty.
learning point! let's break it down.
this is a great illustration of how intrusive thoughts (e.g. them cheating) feeds into the paranoid ideation. from there, usually I end up splitting on both the person in question and myself. my outlook swaps from positive 'all good' into negative 'all bad'.
from there my core beliefs and schemas fuel the spiral. the ideation - 'they're cheating' - plays off my schemas 'people will prey on your gullibility' and 'you're worth less than anyone else'
these branch into a multitude of other schemas and core beliefs about what is already a fragmented sense of self.
dbt/cbt help immensely in terms of being cognizant of these patterns and aborting them, but some days are easier than others. when emotions flare too intensely, it can be near-impossible to use therapeutic tools.