Ended up digging the old dinosaur of a computer out of the closet to try and get it working. How old? Windows XP old.
Got it past the activation bit, now trying to update the graphics drivers. Does Nvidia even still have the drivers for a GeForce FX 5200?
This is exactly our end goal for the night.
Not sure whether it's just a trial because the launcher is just a white screen, but launching the EXE directly seems to work.
(The motherboard can't keep track of the date anyway because of a dead battery, so it may not matter...)
Rez