Mondo SwiffJun 29, 2020
Alright yall, it's time for me to tell you about the Zombie Tree that's growing under my family's home
Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020

SO, when i was younger, maaaaybe back in 2001, I wanna say, there was a tree that grew between our home and a neighbor's home. (intensely middle class suburbs, so, ample room for such a thing to occur between houses, but close enough for the problems to follow)

I don't remember what kind of tree it was, only that it was fast growing and liked to spread its branches out a whole lot. This was a problem, as it threatened both houses which surrounded it, and would either need to be removed outright or constantly trimmed back. My family chose the former, though I remember exactly none of the process leading up to doing so.

So, the professionals come, they cut the tree down to its stump, bore down into it, pour some kinda tree poison into the holes, and that's that.

Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020

ONLY NAH, TREE DIDN'T DIE.

Nothing else grew from that stump except, occasionally, little fungal/lichen colonies taking advantage of the "dead" tree.

But the roots. The roots, they went on. The roots GO on.

Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020
Ever since the day of the cutting, we've occasionally seen little tiny sprigs with leaves on them, not trees but like... treelets attempting to be saplings. Presumably, they're sprouting up from roots near the surface. Here's the deal, they've been SPREADING, slowly, for almost 2 decades now. We occasionally get those little sprigs popping up three or four meters away from where the tree once stood. They're never large, and never seem to grow bigger, but they must be providing the roots with just enough sunlight to barely, barely, stay alive.
Show threadMondo Swiff
The other day, we actually got a solid look on how much these roots have grown over the years. Here's two copies of a picture my dad took while fixing some pipes. In the second picture, a root running parallel to the house is highlighted. That sucker is about 5 inches thick, slightly thicker than the pipes it's next to, and the hole itself is about six meters from the tree's desiccated stump.
Jun 30, 2020 at 12:10amWeb
Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020

So that's where we're at. Almost 20 years ago, my family tried to kill a tree next to our house. Since then, the Roots With No Tree have continued to grow, spread, and twist around us. It's encircled our home. It cannot die, and if it has any memories of the surface they are of man's attempt to murder it.

It cannot die. And so I ask but one question:

*what does it want with us?*

Show threadJazzy DoomJun 30, 2020
@Swiff I eagerly await your starring role in Gaia's Vengeance
Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020
@gravezwave fingers crossed it plants a root into my spine and starts puppeting me like a mouthpiece and herald for its terrible revenge, that sounds radder than just getting used as soil fertilizer
Show threadJazzy DoomJun 30, 2020
@Swiff try selling out the rest of humanity in exchange for a vague reward of service, that'll probably do it
Show threadMondo SwiffJun 30, 2020

@gravezwave i have a special contempt for collaborators until the INSTANT i am promised either magical powers or a mech suit.

The moment that happens, I'm sold, gonna be a miniboss in level 3 as a career choice

Show threadJazzy DoomJun 30, 2020
@Swiff knowing your price and sticking to it is an important business skill