coworker: [sends this gif] dont u wish u had one of those, xibanya?
me: why would i want one of those when i have a boyfriend?
boss: how is a snail like a boyfriend?
me: cute but takes fucking forever to do anything
coworker: he gets on top of her and leaves a sticky film when he's done
boss: god DAMN it https://mastodon.xyz/media/dWkAC0RBFAQUd-Q1UwY