Peter Griffin ☕If you haven't been discomfited by a government form that demands a father's or husband's name, you're part of the problem.
If you think that a woman _must_ change her name, first or second or both, when she marries, you're part of the problem.
If you are not ashamed of laws that treat women as if they were possessions of a man, or less than men in any way, you're part of the problem.
If you work for, or patronise, a company that insists a woman has no identity of her own, that she ceases to become part of her birth family once she is married, you're part of the problem.
If you think that ladies compartments in trains and ladies seats in busses are a solution, you're part of the problem.
If you think security cameras and banning sun-film on vehicles are a solution, you're part of the problem.
If your son can stay out late but not your daughter, if your daughter must be 'dropped home' but not your son, I know I'm being hard on you, and I would do the same in our cities, but you're part of the problem, as I am.
If you are not distressed by playgrounds where little boys run wild but where you don't see any little girls, by boys coming out to play cricket on the street during a bandh, but not girls, maybe you're not observant enough, or maybe you're part of the problem.
If you run an ad campaign that has hunky male film stars asking the world to 'be a man' and join him in protecting women, you're part of the problem.
If you think that getting men to think of all women as their mothers and sisters and daughters is a solution, perhaps you're not a problem, but I'm sorry, I think you're very wrong. It should be enough to think of them as fellow human beings, with rights of their own as valid and as important as yours.
If you think offering bangles to a man, or saying he should be wearing a sari, is an insult, you could be making a very subtle point about gender imbalance, in which case I'm sorry I didn't get it. Or you could be part of the problem.
If you call sexual harassment 'eve-teasing,' you're making a crime sound like boys-will-be-boys mischief, and that, I'm afraid, makes you part of the problem. If you think that 'outraging the modesty of a woman' does not smell strongly of woman-as-possession, then perhaps we have different sensibilities, but I'm inclined to think you're part of the problem.
If you think that chow mein or other foods result in uncontrollable libido, you're a lunatic and definitely part of the problem. If you think anything can result in uncontrollable libido, you're a very serious part of the problem and should be restrained for your own good and the good of all around you.
If you think the solution is giving young men child brides so that they can satisfy their lust, you're part of the problem.
If you think rape shames a woman, that her izzat has been stolen, that she is henceforth a "zinda laash," you're part of the problem.*
If your stock visual for rape stories is a woman with her face hidden, you're unimaginative, wrong, and yes, part of the problem.
If you think people having sexual intercourse, or even marrying, outside the religious, communal, economic or gender boundaries that you are comfortable with (and no, I don't include children and animals here) is against your culture, you and your culture are part of the problem.
If you think that she shouldn't have been wearing those revealing clothes, because dressing that way is provocative; if you think that she shouldn't have been out that late, alone; if you think she was being 'adventurous' because she was returning from work at 2 a.m.; if you think rape happens because 'men and women interact with each other more freely';
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if you think she invited trouble because she had a drink—or two, or three, or six—or because she smokes; if you think her being the only woman in a group of men was foolish; if you think her having had sexual intercourse with someone—or several someones—she's not married to makes it understandable that other men would think they can have sex with her against her will;
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if you think she invited trouble because she had a drink—or two, or three, or six—or because she smokes; if you think her being the only woman in a group of men was foolish; if you think her having had sexual intercourse with someone—or several someones—she's not married to makes it understandable that other men would think they can have sex with her against her will;
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if you think that her having sexual intercourse for money makes it okay to have sexual intercourse with her against her will; if you think her working at a bar is a reason why she will be targetted; if you think that her husband has a right to have sexual intercourse with her whether she wants to or not, you're part of the problem.
if you think that her having sexual intercourse for money makes it okay to have sexual intercourse with her against her will; if you think her working at a bar is a reason why she will be targetted; if you think that her husband has a right to have sexual intercourse with her whether she wants to or not, you're part of the problem.
Yes, if you think there's any possible justification for rape, if you imply in any way that a woman is asking for it or provoking it, you're part of the problem.
And if your reaction to young people protesting a culture that makes rape commonplace is not standing up and saying, "We hear you, we're sorry that you're upset enough to come together like this, we're upset too, we're doing our best to stop this and our resolve is strengthened because we know we can count on your help,"
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but instead you fire water cannons and tear gas shells at them, and then decide to lock down the area, you're not only part of the problem, we will lose faith in your ability to ever find a solution, because you are central to the problem.
[I wrote this in December 2012 - https://zigzackly.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-problem-is-us.html - which dates some of the references. The post has links that explain some. Decided to post this here because so little has changed. So, so, little.]
Almas Shamim@zigzackly Thank you for this wonderful thread! But, I really didn't understand this one post. While I totally agree that it is not a "Solution", does it not help women Now Now? Like, a gender-transformative policy wud b the best. But, given wat exists now..shouldn't gender-specific policies be made? So many women who use the Delhi metro ladies compartment and feel relatively safer than they would doing the general one with hands touching all over our bodies. It is not ALL good, but some good??
@Almas I'm assuming you're referring to the reserved seats and compartments bit? In my opinion, they aren't solutions because they don't fix the problem. It makes me sad that we need them, but yes, I agree that women do need them to feel safe.
@Almas We need affirmative action policies like reservations in a number of areas because people in so many sections of our society are starting out with disadvantages stacked against them. With many, it's disadvantages on multiple fronts. And yet we face resistance to such policies or actions. Which is sad and regressive.
@zigzackly Yes I was referring to the reserved seats and compartments bit. And I totally agree with you. It IS sad that we need it. Thank you once again!
Twitter_RefugeeA vast overarching set of problems couldn't have been condensed and articulated better than this.
Each point made me stop and think for 2-3 minutes.
But the common root of all these problems is that women are seen as some things that can be used by men and then quietly put away. We need to combat that.
Took a screenshot and permanently saved on my phone, and shared with my friends too.
Thanks for writing such a wonderful piece.😊
@Twitter_Refugee Thank you for reading : )
M. Hamzah Khan@zigzackly I was surprised that in order to apply for my 4 month old son's first passport, they were asking for not just me and my wife's details, but also original birth and marriage certificates for my son's grandparents.
I found it quite outrageous and extremely discomforting that they want this much information.
I found it quite outrageous and extremely discomforting that they want this much information.