Heather Heather
What are your thoughts on church attendance? I enjoy going, but mostly because I don't feel any obligation or pressure to be there. I am guilt-free on this topic.
My husband still occasionally feels like we "should" be attending church. Like, he feels guilt over it.
I don't know how to express to him that we aren't OBLIGATED to go to church. It doesn't matter to God. What do you think, #LitFam?
Sep 2, 2019 at 2:39amWeb
Show threadTheBabaYagaSep 2, 2019
@Vaashtii I’m mostly with you, I enjoy going but don’t feel any real guilt when I don’t. However, my very small church community is so sweet, I often wish I had more time to volunteer for events or routine maintenance tasks. I’m super busy and can’t commit to anything more than a Sunday when I’m in town and monetary donations. I sometimes feel guilty about that.
Show threadHeather HeatherSep 2, 2019
@TheBabaYaga Yeah, that's understandable. If I knew more people at our church, I might feel the same way. But we are still relatively new "regular" attendees of this church. Plus, I have AvPD and terrible social anxiety, so that complicates things.
Show threadTheBabaYagaSep 2, 2019
@Vaashtii I can relate to social anxiety. What is AvPD?
Show threadHeather HeatherSep 2, 2019
@TheBabaYaga Avoidant Personality Disorder. There's a bit more to it then this, but I usually explain to people by calling it a complicated and intense social anxiety.
Show threadTheBabaYagaSep 2, 2019
@Vaashtii Thank you for your explanation. I imagine that is challenging to manage and cope with.
Show threadEric BondSep 2, 2019
@Vaashtii Does this church community feed your souls? Does it offer refuge, healing, a place to claim vocation?
Show threadHeather HeatherSep 2, 2019
@eric well, we are still new to it really. But it is definitely the most recharging, encouraging, and peaceful church environment that I've been in in MANY, MANY years.
Show threadEric BondSep 2, 2019
recharging encouraging peaceful
is not a bad place to start
Show threadAndySep 3, 2019

@Vaashtii I feel the same way as your husband. For me, this is not a guilt of fear and shame.

It feels more like standing someone up when we've made plans to have breakfast together and I decided there was a better opportunity.

This has never prevented me from going to an occasional NFL football game guilt-free.

I wonder if your husband feels this way or if his guilt comes from a darker place.

Show threadHeather HeatherSep 3, 2019
@andy12 thank you for your perspective and I are glad you are here! I came a little over a year ago as bisexual, although it wasn't a huge revelation. But it was difficult for my husband that I wanted to announce it to people. So that alone has put him thru a lot, and I don't really want to throw all of the faith stuff on top of that.
Show threadAndySep 3, 2019

@Vaashtii This is such a compassionate response.

Please keep in mind that your faith evolution probably won't be any more of a surprise.

I'd be interested in learning how much of your husband's desire for privacy is for himself and how much is because of how he anticipates that when you share more of yourself it will affect his relationships with friends and family.

This is not a reason to keep secrets. And you have every right to share your faith perspective at any time.

Show threadHeather HeatherSep 3, 2019
@andy12 when it came to my "coming out", he was initially insecure that it meant I was unsatisfied somehow and that maybe I had met someone. (neither was even remotely true) Then, he was worried about what coming out would mean for me, how people would react, and I honestly think he was concerned with himself last. First, it was about us, then it was about me. Only then was it about him.
Show threadAndySep 3, 2019
@Vaashtii That makes a lot of sense. I predict this is the same order of concerns you'll encounter when sharing your faith journey with him, too.
Show threadHeather HeatherSep 3, 2019
@andy12 I messaged him (which is how I "came out" officially because I just don't do face to face conversations like this.) earlier and asked him if he was familiar universalism, particularly Christian universalism; then provided him with a link with information. Then I asked him the same question about panentheism, and provided him with another link. And then we chatted for a minute about the distinction between pantheism and panentheism. And so far, that's been it!!