My defacto mother in law is coming for lunch and hauling her tower computer here for free tech support.
I am strongly weighing driving over to the Staples at the end of the block and buying a brand new laptop to hand her to save myself the fucking aggravation.
Of course, what she NEEDS is an Ubuntu box where only I hold the sudo password, but I'd get further offering her free herpes - I have a Chromebook she refused because it was "too complicated."
tl;dr - Someone please shoot me.
@theamericanjerk - UPDATE: she hosed her main account so badly I couldn't even log in.
Bought a cheap laptop, installed Chrome with AdblockPlus, And LibreOffice.
Set up fake "Word", "Excel" and "IE" shortcuts on her desk, icons included, to trick her into the right apps. Set Libre to save as MS Office formatted docs.
Most important: I set up a user-level account, and didn't give her the password for the admin account.
Now I have a mini tower to image with Ubuntu and find a use for. 
@theamericanjerk UPDATE 2: Funny story: SHE didn't hose her login. She got one of those, "We're from Windows, and you have a virus" phone calls, and didn't hang up. 
Correlation != causation, but I'm guessing the cause behind her other complaints that money has disappeared from her bank account.
So she has been warned not to respond to those calls, my SO will be following up to help her close her bank account, and she will NEVER BE GIVEN THAT ADMIN PASSWORD WHILE I AM ALIVE.
Rob R