I think a lot of what I'm feeling is in some way reflected in this blog post about life/death. I've passed October 27, 2018 too... so.

http://ruthtillman.com/2018-04-22/

I'm kind of tired, so today I feel like it's ok...

β€œMake something beautiful before you are dead.”

β€œTell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

β€œWe who were living are now dying
With a little patience”

β€œYou are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

β€œRemember that you are dust.”

These are not rhetorical. They’re not someday. They are now.

From An Unkindness of Ghosts

"It'll all go to dust one day anyway. The sooner you know that, the better. Whether it's today, tomrorow, a million years from now. Why do you want so bad to be remembered? And by who? They won't ever know you. Not as good as I know you."