none binary with left beefJust over 6 weeks on T and I’m horny almost constantly. Like, the kind of horny where it feels like your crotch is shouting at you to hurry up and get laid already. And while it’s distracting and frustrating and I basically now remember why I spent so much of my adolescence waiting for the next opportunity to masturbate, it’s come with the unexpected side effect of helping me claim my own sexuality.
Through a combination of repressed upbringing, societal attitudes and a toxic relationship that heavily reinforced the idea that my sexuality was for the benefit of men only, I never did claim my sexuality for myself. Whether I was able to admit it or not, I’ve always felt that I needed permission to seek pleasure, and that my pleasure had to be mutually gratifying. For a long time, sex has been more about the intimacy and validation than the physical sensations.
But now that my body is loudly and persistently demanding satisfaction, I’m becoming more motivated to seek it with a partner, instead of hoping they instigate and save me the risk of rejection and frustration. And I’m learning that it’s perfectly ok to that, that I’m not going to be seen as disgusting for having desires.
I was hoping T would help me to finally start making friends with my body, but I didn’t expect it to happen like this. I’m so excited to see what comes next.