I envy those who can just use mastodon without having to think about it as a project. For me, it's always connected to whether people are using it or not, how many and which people, and what i should be doing about it.

Ironically the calmest i ever feel is when the servers are on fire. When there's a wave of people migrating is when i feel at peace, because it feels like what I've been doing up to that point was right after all.

God knows I do get that every few months. Last time was in August. And I can't complain, Mastodon is growing steady - activity now is literally double of pre-August. But I do also notice the difference to the wave peaks, and I miss that. I want that to be all the time.

There's also the thing where I don't really have any examples to guide me anymore, on the grand scheme of things, and no one above. I was invited to this thing to consult about decentralized social networks, and I realized there's probably few people more qualified than me at this point, just because Mastodon is literally the most successful decentralized social network that exists today. So every step I have to think of, is blind, the furthest anyone went. It's... quite overwhelming.