The reason friends and therapists are best kept distinct is to avoid codependency.
Codependency most often takes the form of two people taking on roles of caretaker and care-receiver; where not only is the recipient of care dependent the specific caregiver, but the caregiver is dependent on the feeling of usefulness and validation they get from taking care of the other. This is very toxic as it means problems rarely actually get resolved
Some dependent relationships are healthy, such as a child and a parent; or an elderly person and their adult child. A chronically disabled person and a PCA. We are all interdependent in all sorts of ways and there is nothing wrong with that either; our mesh of support and reliance.
But codependency is one node on one node.
It's one thing for me to do mental health first aid when my friend has a panic attack; or for me to help a friend de-stress by hanging out, cooking, and listening to their problems.
It's another thing for me to attempt to solve their problems, to attempt to fix them, to be the person to help them work on their problem behaviors and do the things that therapists do. There are ways to support which are not the role of a therapist
Remember there’s many things therapists do and there is some overlap with things friends do
The part where the line is blurry is Listening. Because talk therapy is often just listening and listening and talking someone through their problems asking the right questions giving some advice etc.
This is also something friends do. It becomes therapy when you do it regularly, every time you hang out or any time they need help.
Other forms of playing therapist are trying to resolve someone's mental complexes and shit. Trying to be the one who teaches them to love themselves or who convinces them life is worth living. again friends might sometimes do this lightly but playing therapist is actively working on someone like a project. you can't fix their friends.
and then obviously if yr fuckin' trying to lead your friend through CBT exercises and shit that's obviously playing therapist
Interdependency is decentralized networks of care, as well as the way we all are with society.
You are not an island. You depend on farmers, you depend on electricians, you depend on sanitation workers. Lightbulbs are an assistive technology for sighted people.
But let's talk interpersonal relationships since that's the focus of this thread
In a codependent relationship there is a caretaker and a dependent, it is an exclusive relationship, care travels in one direction, and the caretaker is dependent on the role of caretaker for some sort of validation. If either party is unavailable, there is no alternative source of care/validation.
In an interdependent relationship, care is mutual, travels in both directions, take all forms, and is non-exclusive. Nobody is the caretaker, we are all equals
care is also not always the same thing. X might do one thing for Y, but Y might not do the same thing for X; does something else for X. when X needs what they give to Y they might go to Z instead.
Also please don't count favor tit for tat interdependence is about dynamics not economic transactions
Point being; we're all leaning on each other but nobody has the exclusive role of Dependent or Caretaker.
@shel Or even just one of the free spaces that might not be full-on therapy but has a chance of including ppl with some training in how to listen and when to draw boundaries between personal lives, etc.
I know people who use #7Cups for this kind of thing. Just... finding someone with a set role and some instruction.
Shel For The Public
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Emeh ; 😆
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