It’s been 10 years since I realized I was trans

That was a long and difficult day for me. It was the culmination of a lot of self doubt and an inexplicable feeling that something was off about me. Day turned to night and it was eating me up inside. I decided I needed some fresh air.

It was dusk but on a cool summer night like that one, night was the nicest time of the day. I took to my mountain bike and biked to a local park before going off-road to climb to the top of a steep hill. From there you could see for miles. All in solitude under the glow of the stars. A moment of peace and oneness despite everything clouding my mind. I reflected back on everything that led me to this point. I considered my options. This can’t be true, can it?

Eventually I decided it was time to return home. The answers to my questions are obvious now, but it’d take another six months of wrestling with things. Those were some of the darkest days of my life. I nearly didn’t live to see things through and accept myself. Not that I didn’t want to. My family hardly knew what to do at the time. I hardly knew what to do.

The following January, on another mountain biking adventure no less, I “came out” to myself and fully accepted myself as trans. From then, I started my transition.

It’s hard to believe I’ve gotten as far as I have but here I am. I’ve grown and changed in ways I could never have imagined. I’m the happiest now I’ve ever been. Though it’s not easy, I persist. Despite everything, I hold out hope. And I’m glad I did.

Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu Ru’ach ha-olam, ha-gomel l’chayavim tovot she-g’malani kol tov.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, spirit of the universe, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.

#transiversary #trans #tranagenser #transition #reflection #bracha