"Just so you know," said Tara the catgirl maid, "most of my magic is for cleaning and being a barmaid. I'm not going to attack; I'm just an observer here."
Lumpikith laughed. "Don't worry," said Shrillkina, "with Freydis, we're ALL observers."
"That's not true," said Freydis. "We're going to test our your golem, aren't we?"
Fluffdusti and Raven exchanged glances.
"Sure," said Raven, "if you want to."
"Just so long," added Fluffdusti, "that we point it away from us...."
"I wish," said Moldessa, "that I knew Slime magic. Then I could help you as support."
"How so?" asked Freydis Cook.
"Slime magic provides good support for Wing Sauce magic," said Moldessa, "because slime helps spread sauce all around."
Freydis made a face. "This magic system is nauseating."
"But you're so good at it, Freydis! Everyone calls you the Queen of Wing Sauce!"
Freydis buried her head in her hands.
Freydis Cook stood at the gates of the Wyrmhaven Deep Elite Magic Academy - a magical school run by goblins, for goblins. However, it was the only magic academy in the area, so her father had paid - or bribed - to have her attend school.
She was confronted by several goblin girls, led by one with long parallel curls in bright green. The goblin sniffed. "Smell that, girls? That's the smell of a human. Humans are outsiders here!"
Freydis said, "I take it you're the villainess?"
The chameleon familiar of Unguent Lubricantum studied the monstrosity before him - a creature stitched together from a moose, an octopus, and an eagle. "And you're going to unleash this monstrosity upon the local population?"
"I am," said the wizard.
"Why?"
"I wish to remind them of who I am," the wizard replied. "Rememeber what Mary Shelly taught us?"
The familiar nodded. "The human creator is more dangerous than the monster he creates."
"Exactly! And don't you forget it!"
"Who summons Therramoth?" the demon boomed.
Sophia Copernicus Diggs, sorceress, replied, "I do. I require an expert in teleportation magic to aid my research."
"I am am an expert," said the demon. "But I am mistreated in Hell, for I am a trans demon. I ask that you make me your permanent assistant, that I may never return to Hell."
The sorceress considered this.
"Any assistant of mine....."
"Yes?"
"Must dress in the cutest attire,," Sophia said.
The demon smiled.
"Just what are you insinuating? asked the warrior Klaus.
"Just that you'd rather raid the same boring dungeon day after day," replied Anika the thief, "rather than try anything new."
"Does not this new dungeon of yours involve increased risk?" asked Klaus
"Well, sure," said Anika. "Life is risk! But think of the rewards!"
"Lass, I own a 10% stake in the Lute and Pillage Tavern, and I have Wyrmhaven Deep stock as well. I earn rewards while we sleep."
As the villain was hauled away, Grandpa Anarchy, world's oldest hero, said, "Never saw a villain dressed like that. What was the deal with all of those tree branches?"
His sidekick shrugged. "Trying to stand out from the crowd, to make a name for himself, I guess?"
"Well it worked!" replied Grandpa. "I won't soon forget the name of that particular villain."
"And his name was?" asked the sidekick.
"I'm pretty sure," said Grandpa, "It was Tree Guy...."
"Vile witch! Satan's spawn! Beggone!"
Lady Gygax glanced up. "Well, if it isn't Father Haworth! But... aren't you dead?"
"I have arisen from the grave," said the priest, "to thwart you once again!"
"Via magic?" she asked. "The tool of evil?"
The zombie priest paused.
"Do not try to confuse me!" he yelled. "In the name of god, BANISH UNDEAD!"
"But I'm a lich..." Lady Gygax began. The priest crumbled into dust.
"Well," she said, "that's certainly a new one...."
Madam Isobelle looked deep into the crystal ball. Calina waited anxiously.
"I see a dark stranger," said the witch. "He has a very muscular build. He is working out...."
"Oh my goodness! Is he handsome?" asked Calina. "Will I meet him?"
"He pauses," said Isobelle. "He is sniffing the air."
Calina was confused.
"Oh wait," said the witch. "My bad. That's a deodorant commercial. It's so hard to see on this old thing. Gimme fifteen seconds, and I can skip...."
#writever Oct 7 commissioner
Bearnice studied the stuffed elephant. "Pachy, you can be Commissioner Gordon," she decided.
"That's boring," replied Pachy. "Let me play a villain."
"Commissioner Gordon's important," Bearnice insisted. "He holds the city together!"
"If he's all that, why does he need a costumed vigilante to solve his problems?"
Bearnice sighed. "Fine. You can be Harvey Dent, then...."
Pachy punched the air. "Yes! Villainy, here I come!"
🦋ShouldbeWriting🦋