Virtual Boy Wario Land (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

Yes! I was one of those idiots that paid SIXTY SIX POUNDS for a piece of plastic that you put your Switch (or Switch 2) in, so you can sit awkwardly while playing games made for one of the worst consoles ever made! It’s like having two red-tinted Game Boys stuck in front of your eyes that you can only really play at a table (or, as I did, on the sofa with a teetering pile of lap cushions), all so you can get a not especially impressive 3D effect in some poorly realised games. Idiot.

Although I’ve never owned a Virtual Boy, I have played on a few and can say that this Switch peripheral manages to recreate the ridiculous of the original flop console admirably. With my Nintendo Online subscription I also get access to 7 games (about a third of those ever released – most of the rest are on the way), and having tried them all only Virtual Boy Wario Land really works.

And, against all the odds, it’s great.

It’s a pretty straightforward platformer, with about 20 levels and some power ups that let you smash blocks or shoot fireballs, but the 3D comes in as there are “front” and “back” layers to the playfield. Much like Mutant Mudds, I suppose, which I know came much later. There are special blocks that “throw” you in and out of the screen, as well as pipes and doorways that sometimes do the same. Some of the levels are almost 3D mazes as you try to find a key to open the lift to the next level. Every few levels you get a boss, which also tends to swap plane in some way or another.

The 3D effect is subtle, but it’s nice. I don’t think the game would have suffered by being a straight Game Boy or SNES title, though. It’s hard to see from the screenshots how well it works because it seems so damn dark and the dual-screen thing (one for each eye) means you lose the 3D completely. But anyway, nice game shame about the delivery mechanism, I suppose.

Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

Almost exactly 11 years ago, I played and completed (and then played some more) the original Fantasy Life game on the 3DS. I really enjoyed it, and after all this time I was excited to play the sequel.

Only, it isn’t really a sequel. There’s nothing, plot wise at least, that links this game to the previous one. Sure, the mechanics and graphical style are nearly the same, but there’s no story continuation or even, as far as I can tell, any shared characters or history. Actually, “history” is one of the main plot points in “i” (no, it’s never explained what the “i” is for), since the game takes place in two different eras, 1000 years apart. Gameplay-wise, it isn’t too different from before – choose a Life, level up by doing Life related things, complete quests for people, and so on. So it’s similar.

One big difference, is that you’re pretty much forced to change Life (a Life being a trade or character class) as you progress. In the first game, I completed the story without ever swapping from my Paladin Life, but in “i” you can’t do certain story-based things without changing to be a miner or an alchemist or whatever. Swapping between Lives is a big thing, and as each one levels up separately, there’s a lot of grinding. Certainly more than I remember from the original, and my play time – over 50 hours by the end of the game (with some Lives still untouched) compared with less than that to 100% the original – showing it in cold hard stats. Some of that extra time is that there’s more to do, but a lot is grinding.

Thankfully, a lot of the grinding is done by exploring a separate, and huge, game area called Ginormosia. Here you can level up by chopping trees and swording bees and whatever else, unlocking new companions when you complete shrines you find, and making areas of this continent level up too. It’s fun to just wander and complete challenges like fighting or farming while you grind. I also found a way to quickly level up a new Life. Get one of your miner companions to mine ore while you hang around as an artist or carpenter, and when they are done you get a all the XP. With a miner on level 50 and some level 40-50 ore, you can get your “new” Life from level 1 to level 40-odd in minutes.

In terms of plot, there’s stuff about you and your archaeologist mate flying a dragon to an island, then getting separated as you end up in the past, and then lots of back-and-forth between eras while you build a new village in the present (in a definitely not Animal Crossing type way) whilst finding items and advancing your Lives in the past. There’s loads to do, millions of items, weapons, foods and furniture to craft, people to meet, side quests to complete, and that’s before you even hop over into Ginormosia or do the dungeon tree thing or the dream world stuff. What are they? Well, Google exists.

So, I completed the game as (mainly) a Mercenary, swapping to most of the other Lives along the way. I’ve already made a start on trying to get them all up to at least Expert rank, and have started the other Lives too. Still lots to do, and still having a lot of fun. Is it as good as the original Fantasy Life, though? Well, there’s certainly more, but I’d say overall, it loses a bit of focus as a result. Still excellent, but not quite as excellent.

Lunistice (Switch): COMPLETED!

A while back, I played the demo of this and enjoyed it enough to stick it on my wishlist until it went on sale. Eventually, it did!

While it might not look like anything special, and there are a million late-90s style 3D platformers around, what this has that most of the others don’t is a properly controllable character. As in, the jumping and “steering” physics and controls feel right. You know how on the Super NES, Mario in Super Mario World feels right, but Bubsy the Bobcat is a horrible slidey imprecise mess? Now see how most 3D platformers from the Mario 64 era (and those that ape it) are more like nasty Gex 3D and not Banjo Kazooie in the same way. Well, Lunistice isn’t and clicked immediately with me.

It isn’t a huge game, with only a handful of worlds with most only having two acts, but it is inventive, varied and fun. There’s bits like Sonic Adventure, and bits like Mario 64, and bits like Crash Bandicoot (only good), but it still manages to be its own thing. Nice music, new-retro 32bit console aesthetic graphics, and a draw distance the PS1 couldn’t even dream about.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Splintered Fate (Switch 2): COMPLETED!

This is great and it is so obviously using Hades as a template it’s not even fair to suggest it’s anything but a clone. But a really good clone. It even mentions about the powers you obtain as being “boons” at one point, which is what they’re called in Hades.

So, in case you don’t know how Hades plays, I can explain for Turtles. You start in the sewers, and face room after room of similar but random layouts and baddies. Beat the baddies, and you get to choose from a selection of random powerups, including buffs, money – which is scrap metal here – or health. Every so often you’ll reach a shop where you can spend the scrap you’ve picked up on more things. Some powers can be upgraded, you can sometimes get combo powers when you’ve chosen two that work together, and you can extend your life bar and so on. You do more rooms, then a boss, and move on to the next chapter in a new location. Die, and it’s all over and you start again from the Turtle Lair.

All of your powers and buffs from the previous run are lost. However, as you play you also obtain other currencies, which you keep after dying and can spend them in your lair for permanent bonuses, like more heath, greater damage, or increasing the likelihood of top tier powerups appearing.

Just like Hades, it’s stupidly addictive. It’s not quite as polished as Hades, and whereas Hades had so much lore and backstory and Greek myths, legends and gods to involve yourself in, here you’ve just got the Turtles and their acquaintances which isn’t quite on the same level. There’s not as much depth to the combat either, and although you can build your Turtle somewhat differently each run depending on the items you choose, it’s nowhere near the same level of difference you can get in Hades.

What it does have that Hades doesn’t, though, aside from Mikey, is that it has a 2, 3 or 4-player co-op mode. I’ve been playing it with my daughter (she’s generally been Donnie, if you’re curious), and it is loads of fun.

We played it a few times before the Switch 2 upgrade pack came out, and since downloading that I’ve noticed almost no difference at all. Maybe slightly faster load times? Although they were pretty quick anyway. It supposedly pegs the game at 60 frames per second and 4K over the 720p and 30 frames of the Switch version but I can’t tell the difference in all honesty. I think maybe lighting and fire effects look a bit better but it was fine before.

Turns out we actually completed the game a few days ago, but there was a tease after 10 or so successful runs (the game says you need this many) that there was more story to unlock so we played a while longer. I’ve since looked it up and actually, that’s it. Presumably the tease is for a sequel or DLC or something because there’s no more story and we didn’t get to find out exactly what Baxter was up to or who the shadowy baddie who kidnapped Splinter is (and no, it wasn’t Shredder).

UFO 50 (Switch): COMPLETED!

UFO 50 is presented to you as a collection of 50 games from an 80s game development company called UFOSoft, for their three computer systems called the LX-I, LX-II and LX-III. The thing is, UFOSoft never existed, the games never came out in the 80s, and the LX series of computers aren’t real. It’s all a lie.

Except that there are actually 50 games here. All full games, fully realised, and they all could have plausibly existed in the 1980s as the fiction of the collection suggests. All sorts of genres exist here, from arcade shooters to platformers, from a full blown JRPG to what is essentially a clicker game. A horror adventure title. Puzzle games. Tower defence. One-on-one fighting. They’re all here. Most of them are pretty decent games too, with a few real corkers as a standout.

One of my favourites is Mini & Max, a platformer where you can shrink in size and sort of “zoom in” on objects, and have insects to talk to and avoid. You later get an item that lets you shrink further, to the size of bacteria. The aim seems to be to collect a load of stars, either found or awarded for completing tasks for creatures you find, but the shrink and grow mechanic is very clever.

So how, you may be asking, have I completed this compilation? Surely I’ve not completed every single game? Well no. Because, you see, even though each game is an actual game, there’s a meta game going on here too. A clue at one point in the proceedings will lead you to a specific point in a specific game, which in turn is a clue for another. You follow a few clues and unlock another “game”, where you actually wander round the UFOSoft offices, eventually finding some prototype games to play, and more clues to follow. It’s very clever.

After plotting your way through all the games referenced and finding all the clues, you’re able to complete the meta game. Which I did!

You’ll notice I’ve not explained how you begin this meta game. Nor am I going to explain what form the clues take. I went into UFO 50 knowing nothing about this whole extra thing even existing, so I’ve already “spoiled” that for you (sorry), so I’m hardly going to ruin how to actually do it. What I will say, is that one of the prototype games – which in the fiction of UFO 50 is an early version of the Campanella game – may only be incredibly short and just a single screen long, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve played in the entire collection so far. And yes, I have played all 50 (…actually, there are more than 50 – secrets!).

Now I’ve done that, I’ve an eye on a few of the individual games to spend some time on. Another diary post on at least one of them soon!

Party House (Switch): COMPLETED!

And here it is! Party House is one of the games on UFO 50. The idea is, on each level, you are hosting a house party and every time you open the door a random guest from a pool of guests turns up. Each guest has a different effect on the party, however, and that’s where it gets hard.

So to start with, your house can only hold 5 guests. Some guests increase the popularity of the party (which, each round, adds up and can be “spent” on inviting other guests to the pool). Some guests bring in some money (which you can use to increase the capacity of your party). Others actually cost you money, and some increase the chances of the police turning up and shutting you down (which requires you to blame one party attendee who is then barred for a round).

Then you’ve other guests who can reduce the police chance, or automatically bring a +1 (which may cause the party to overspill – causing another shutdown), or act as a popularity multiplier. There are dogs who can preview who the next guest will be, bouncers who can kick someone out, and guests who can invite a specific additional guest from your pool.

It all feels a bit like a more complex version of a sort of solitaire poker, or something akin to Balatro. Even though it’s mostly random, there’s strategy as you try to gain enough popularity across each of the 20 or so rounds to eventually be able to “buy” all the required attendees needed to call the party a success and win.

Each of the five levels has a different set of available guests, so they play out differently. It’s very addictive, meaning the extra “random party” mode can give unlimited replayability.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered (PS5): COMPLETED!

The original release of Oblivion is the reason I bought an Xbox 360. Of course, it didn’t quite work out at the time as nowhere had a copy of the game in stock even though I had the console in my hand as I trudged round the local video game shops (remember those?) searching for one. I ended up ordering a copy of the special edition with the map and a coin from someone in Australia and made do with Hexic HD and some XBLA games until it made its way around the world. Anyway, it arrived and it was great and after 200 hours or so on it I didn’t play it again. Not because I didn’t like it, just because it was done. Why would I?

Well, because there’s now a remastered version with faster loading and more invisible frames per second and more pixels and stuff on the PS5! And I got it for Christmas and now here we are – at the completion of it again, almost 20 years later.

The first thing I want to say, is it’s the same game. “But you just said all that about more pixels and stuff!” I hear you cry. Well, sure, but it looks as great as I remember it looking all those years ago even though it clearly is objectively better looking now. I just recall how beautiful and vibrant and full of grass and flowers and mushrooms it was back then and how it was clearly impossible to do it on any console before the 360, and it feels now as it did then. Does that make sense?

The second thing I want to say is also that it’s the same game. As in, it’s the same game. The same locations, quests, characters, and even the same audio as before. They’ve not re-recorded or recast, they’ve not “reimagined” the world of Cyrodiil, they’ve not introduced any new areas or quests. They’ve just made it prettier and tweaked how levelling up works a bit.

The third thing I want to say is, actually, once again, that it’s the same game. The same bugs. The same UI slowdown issue the longer you play. The same repetitive soundbites from NPCs saying how strong I look or how I, somehow, “look like I have illusionist’s hands” even though I’m wearing gauntlets. The same random crashes to the home screen.

The fourth thing I want to say, is, unsurprisingly, that it’s the same game. Somehow, even though I had a vague memory of the race and class of my character on my original play through and I endeavoured to choose something different, I once again ended up with a Breton and somehow once again ended up with a spellsword build. Again.

However, the original Oblivion is one of my favourite games ever, so did I really want it to be different? Sure, actually fixing some of the bugs (for which there have been unofficial fixes written a decade or more ago) would have been nice but no, I just wanted faster loading and prettier graphics. And that’s what I’ve got.

Other than the main quest, I’ve made a start of most of the other questlines in the game. I’ve actually completed The Arena, which was laughably easy by the time I got to it, as I seemed very much over-levelled. I’m up to the bit in the Mage’s Guild where I have to steal back a book I’ve already given to someone else, I’m only a little way into the Fighter’s Guild and Thieves Guild, but I’m (if I remember correctly) almost done with the Dark Brotherhood.

SteamWorld Heist II (Switch): COMPLETED!

It may have taken a while for me to finally get round to playing SteamWorld Heist II, but when it – and all the other SteamWorld games – were reduced in a massive eShop sale I was reminded it was the only SW game I hadn’t completed. And now, it isn’t.

Like the first game, it’s a 2D, side-on, turn based strategy game. In that respect it’s more of the same as the original, and I’ll leave it to you, the reader, to figure out what that means in terms of gameplay as the internet surely can provide. What I will talk about instead, is just how good and well balanced it all is.

Each character in your party can have different classes, weapons and skills (and you can switch between missions as to what, if you like, and “borrow” skills from other classes with the right items as well) so your team is incredibly customisable. Sometimes, it’s good to have a few short-range but powerful weapons, other times sniping with accuracy from a distance. Or maybe being able to move further, or move twice, in a turn is helpful. There’s tradeoffs between sniping being great from a log way off but you waste a turn reloading, or big explody weapons dealing lots of damage to several clustered enemies, but it’s a bit hard to aim and can damage you, or your cover. There’s a lot to think about! As characters level up you get to choose more skills too.

It’s also really addictive. Most missions are probably only 15-20 minutes long, so the urge to do just one more mission is strong. Or, you missed out some (probably unnecessary) loot in a level, so you replay it just to make sure you’ve collected everything. Or, you boat around the overworld seeking things to destroy for other bonuses and see another thing to get, explore, or beat on the map somewhere. There’s always one more thing to do.

Oh yes, the boat. You see, you have a submarine to traverse the world, and as you progress you can upgrade it with better firepower or more oxygen for underwater boating. The seas are full of enemies that need to be run from, or defeated, for fun and profit.

There’s a lot to the game but the real pull isn’t the excellent gameplay, it’s the (as always) perfectly crafted SteamWorld, er, world. The humour, the silly robot characters, the puns, and the references to other games in the series. Plus the excellent gameplay, of course.