Pretending To Be Allosexual Fucked Me Up

#ThingsYouCantUnsay #asexual #AsexualAwarenessWeek

It’s hard for me to be sexually intimate. It feels like walking a knife edge. It feels like wavering for even an instant risks disaster.

Even if I walk that knife edge successfully, I can feel the presence my self-negation in the past, pressing close all around me. That remembrance is, itself, painful. I know what it’s like to mask my trauma and offer partners parts of me that I cannot actually offer. I know how easy it is. I know how much alcohol I would need to consume for it to work. I know how to pose my body, I know the words to say. Knowing, and remembering, and walking close to those paths scares me.

Sharing touch and pleasure with my partners feels beautiful, and for me, the beauty exists in the context of the joy and the pain. I feel it’s beauty BECAUSE it’s hard. It costs me something. It costs me, at the very least, the effort of walking that knife edge, and knowing how near I am to hurting myself. It’s not a sexy risk-taking. It’s a mournful ritual.

It makes the joy of feeling my partners happiness and gratitude sweet and rewarding in a way that I cherish.

I’m a sex-repulsed asexual. I could just refuse sex, categorically. No one would be allowed to blame me - I reject any relationships where they would. But, sometimes, with some partners, I want to share that joy and beauty and connection. I cannot offer them lust. I will not offer them its facsimile. But I can share with them moments of self expression and valuing that are, for me, special because of the difficulty.

My asexuality permeates my interactions with the world. It’s present in how I dress, how I speak, how I shop, how I flirt. It’s in my writing, in where I stand in a room, in my parenting. Their allosexualities are similarly permeating. Our ace and allo natures are present during intimacy, and I think that’s really wonderful.

I’m not looking for an award. I don’t want to be lauded as having “even better intimacy because of pushing through the pain.” Sometimes, I just want to be included in how my partners relate to partners and the world. Sex is special for them, and I cherish special things with my partners.

fin/1

"We are part of the lgbtqia+ too"

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happy #AceWeek everyone!

ace people are everywhere! and we come in many different flavours

some of us go by grey-ace, or demisexual, or many other a-spec sexualities that fall under the asexual umbrella

being asexual is a lack of sexual attraction, whether it's always or sometimes

personality, I'm ace. I experience no sexual attraction

but, I am sex favourable. meaning, yeah, I'll do it if it's offered to me and I'm attracted to the person (in other ways than sexual), or if I want to please a partner. it's less about me and more about them

"I don't plan for sex, sex just happens to me" is something I've said before. and can be attested to. this one time I packed all my toys and was ready to meet my friends,

and then I slept through my alarm, and them calling me.

the night before and day after, tho, I was totally unprepared

other asexual people might be:

sex-neutral. they're more meh about sex than me, but not totally opposed to it

and there's sex-repulsed. this is when an asexual person really really doesn't like sex, in fact, it repulses them

and no matter what flavour of asexual, we're all valid in our sexualities

it is not a moral failing to not have sex

it is not a moral failing to reject sex

it is not a moral failing to want to have a relationship with no sex

there's a lot of stigma around asexual people, and i hope a little education helps dispel some of that

some of your friends are probably ace, you should just be kind to ace people? we do actually have it kinda hard. we are actually oppressed.

if you're mean to asexuals I will be mean to you 🔪

#asexual #AsexualAwarenessWeek