Today I hope the tape on John Roberts' home telephone answering machine breaks and he's worried he'll miss his wife's call even though she's been incommunicado for about a month, so he spends three hours today visiting store after store in an Uber (because his license hasn't been restored yet) unable to find those little plastic micro cassettes and he wonders what other people do when their answering machine tapes break and thinking maybe, I don't know, some sort of digital alternative might be a cool new invention, and then he realizes that she might have called while he was out looking and he wouldn't know, and he's trying to understand why his life just sucks so much because he's been a good man, hasn't he, God, hasn't he been a good man? #IHopeJohnRoberts

Today #IHopeJohnRoberts left his downstairs windows open overnight so that when the gardener showed up early this morning and sprayed the hell out of his lawn with Roundup, clouds of the pesticide drifted into the house where Roberts breathed it in his sleep and could smell it as he had his coffee, knowing that because of his decision yesterday there's not a goddamn thing he can do about it.

Today's curse on John Roberts is that he awoke at 4:00 a.m., just bolted full awake, with the realization that never, not once, did he attend any of his children's grade school functions like parent teacher conferences or those really boring grade school choir concerts that never seem to end because every single class has to get their turn, supposedly because his work was "too important," and then lay there until 7:00 wondering whether maybe that's part of the reason they barely speak to him any more.
#IHopeJohnRoberts

I hope John Roberts' favorite restaurant closes.
#IHopeJohnRoberts

I hope John Roberts gets a herpes sore on his lip. #IHopeJohnRoberts

Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts dreamed he was a Black congressman in Alabama watching his district get gerrymandered out from under him, and that he woke up this morning in a cold sweat, having peed himself a little.

I hope none of John Roberts' children call him for #FathersDay today, and he's finally starting to understand why. #IHopeJohnRoberts

I hope today finds John Roberts wandering lonely through his large home, trying to come to terms with the fact that his wife has left him, and finds himself in their shared library, and notices her shelves are fuller than his and include three diverse novels from just last year ("Wild Dark Shore" by Charlotte McConaghy, "Flesh: A Novel" by David Szalay, and TJ Alexander's "A Gentleman's Gentleman"), while the most recent book on his shelf is Jonathan Franzen's "The Corrections" and he only got about a third of the way through that, and he wonders if that has something to do with why she left him, and also as he looks at the back cover of Alexander's book he realizes he has no idea what the Lambda Literary Award is. #IHopeJohnRoberts

This Juneteenth #IHopeJohnRoberts is snubbed by Clarence Thomas for forgetting to offer him an act of reparation, because Clarence thinks he is entitled to at least be made the offer even though he doesn't actually believe in acts of reparation and doesn't even think enslavement was that bad and sometimes he and Ginny even play a special intimate roleplaying game on that theme.

I like to think that for years US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts periodically has fantastized that he was just an anonymous person who could wander out on the National Mall on a nice warm day without anyone recognizing him and maybe, when the park service isn't looking too closely, remove his shoes and just dangle his feet in the cool water of the reflecting pool, and today #IHopeJohnRoberts has that thought again but then realizes that even if he were a nobody he still couldn't do it because of the algae, and for a very, very brief moment that actually makes him feel a little better about things, and then he goes back to feeling bad.