En pethiya paaka kooda koodadha? 😢 The pain of a grandfather hidden from the world.

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Ava en pinnaadi suthunaalum, naan andha maadhiri aal kedaiyaadhu. 😎

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I don't have a word to describe what emotion I'm feeling right now (like mixed livid, disappointed, shocked), but whatever it is, it's intense right now.

So I didn't get the job. After an interview that went very well and they made it seem like I was getting hired for sure. I mean how often do old co-workers come to you telling you the job is yours if you want it? How often does the manager interview you agree to be transparent with you about most things and act as if he was certainly gonna hire me, and tell me himself I was a great candidate? How often does he also do away with the whole interview process questioning crap when speaking with you? That doesn't just fucking happen to just any candidate. So now I'm just wondering who could have been fucking been better than I am to not hire me for 1 or 2 positions that are avaliable?! They fucking led me on and let me think I was getting out of this current hell hole that could be ||trying to kill me|| considering the teeth grinding I'm having to deal with for the next month. I've been trying to get out for MONTHS. I don't understand why I'm not even getting considered for jobs that I could do easily and probably better!! I'm at a loss. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or where to go, but I'm tired of being made to feel as bitter as I've become over this experience. Desperate doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I want to cry and scream at something.

Like I am so close to emailing the manager back cussing them out and ask what the fuck is wrong with me? Even with three good words over the course of the first interview months ago, and the second one; I guess knowing someone who knows their managers doesn't actually get you jobs anymore. I'm wanna just tell them that they can tell me if they're just straight up refusing me for being trans. Of course I'll taken personally, but at least they'd be honest with me and not hype me up and get my hopes up. I'm not saying it is but I genuinely don't know what I'm doing at this point.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I hate this job, I hate managers, I hate this state and despite how hard I try not to, everyone who controls my life makes it impossible for me to not hate myself.

#lookingforwork #lfw #fuckcapitalism #venting #emotionalbreakdown