Here’s where some of America is… Today while hunting down super glue, the fire alarm in Walmart went off. No one so much as let go of their carts. My friend and I moseyed on over to the stationary aisle, got our glue, and by that time it had stopped. I genuinely thought there was a chance the US had just been attacked, but somehow that felt much less urgent than finding glue.

I’m “tri-lingual”. I’ll TRY to speak any language, but I’ll do so with such disfunction that you won’t be sure if I’m trying to be funny, insulting, or if I’m just an idiot.

Really contemplating the long term effects that sitcoms have on our mental health. So I’m sitting here relatively happy, just looking out at the view. Then I start cry laughing out of seemingly nowhere because I was replaying Elaine’s dance on Seinfeld. Even yeaaaaars later that bit still hits.

When it comes to old windows screen savers, I wonder if whichever one you preferred showed a major characteristic that we just didn’t see at the time. Like a likes/dislikes similar to those who chose the same.

FACTS
Time isn’t real
Drugs are cool
Dolphins are more intelligent than you

Raise your hand (low and submissively) if you’re so antisocial that you’ve wished you would get food poisoning so you can get out of a social situation without having to lie.

https://youtu.be/jFRTZGgmGo4 I mean, he had the wrong president, but other than that he called it.

Sometimes I get disturbed by the fact that I’ve only lived in Southern California for 12 years, which feels like no time at all. But then I remember that Obama was only half way through his second term when I moved here, and weed was still medical only. Then it feels like 112 years.

Ok. Sure.