The control, the anxiety, the fear, it isn't mine. I exist and float through life with ease. Like an orbit. Floating on the ambience of sound.
Two weeks under someone's control freak tendencies and you see it for what it is. Grey rock hard. Press the eject button. I watched the milk boil over onto the stove, her unconscious boiling over. But I'm free. Just here to make the coffee.
#NarcissisticAbuse #GreyRock #Healing #Boundaries #Mindfulness
I'm the kind of guy who can turn a room on fire if I want to. But being alone is becoming more and more appealing.
When I'm alone I rely on my own social intelligence and don't dilute it with somebody else's. I don't need anyone or want anyone. I'm fine being me, walking into the world as my full self, no longer needing approval or trying to fit in.
It's simple. And I'm getting more comfortable with that.
I never thought in my wildest dreams, the more you grow, the harder it gets.
Dark clouds ready to burst, eucalyptus overhead, a raindrop on my phone. Walked from my entire family, lost jobs, unsafe housing, solving it all at once with not much support. I'm being pushed to my limits. I'm growing stronger. But why give me these gifts of perception?
I will of course survive this. I always do.
By just being of authentic service, I'm literally helping people by being myself. Just being my fully weird self gives permission to others.
I rang my friend Katie midway through a drinking session to apologise for not being there after she'd been cheated on. She told me there are many moments she'll think, what would Brett do here? I didn't think I did much. But she felt seen.
#Friendship #Authenticity #HumanConnection #Healing #SelfWorth
Wherever I am in the world, a Russian or a South African helps me feel at home, even away from home, and away from Australians.
Sitting here listening to Russians speak, pulling the language out of my unconscious mind. Booked my accommodation with Russians, score. Kyrgyzstan soon. Maybe I'll feel more comfortable in Bishkek. Or just freezing.
https://whothefami.substack.com/p/wherever-i-am-a-russian-makes-me
No PowerPoints. No Wi-Fi. Just genuine human connection.
Even in the most intense of Southeast Asian countries, among all the mistrust — once you step out of the Tuk Tuk and into a local street food spot, everything changes. The coffee lady excited that I speak Khmer. A bubble of protection. A bubble of peace.
Even in the most lawless, hustle-driven cities, it's moments like these that keep me grounded.
https://whothefami.substack.com/p/no-powerpoints-no-wi-fi-just-genuine
The vibe is heavy — but I'm leaning into it as a challenge.
Riding in a Tuk Tuk listening to Romanian Minimal Breaks. Hypervigilant after yesterday's scam attempt. No passport — it's at the visa agency. Heading to the library to find The Culture Map. Time to update my mental map on saving face.
For now I'll lean back and enjoy the heavy vibes to that droning minimal breakbeat.
https://whothefami.substack.com/p/riding-in-a-tuk-tuk-listening-to
I feel like a walking ATM with no passport, unable to sleep at night.
There are people working in this country in scam compounds who have their passports taken. She tells me the visa is already in process, to save face. She could have just given it back and kept the money.
I need the passport. I need to leave.
https://open.substack.com/pub/whothefami/p/i-want-my-passport-back
I would tell myself I collapsed their ego to teach them a lesson. But maybe, just maybe, I was enjoying that feeling of power like a sweet drug.
My mother was a training ground. I learned boundary setting at an elite level. But they don't change. I was just getting a rush of dopamine.
Now it's time to let that go.
https://whothefami.substack.com/p/rattling-people-became-my-drug-of
#NarcissisticAbuse #Boundaries #ShadowWork #Healing #PersonalGrowth
I'm actually on the tram to come and introduce myself right now.
Applied online then immediately got on a tram. The employer called while I was en route. Three weeks into a job, I'd already documented every incident, flipped the script on HR, and watched my manager squirm. I haven't eaten lunch. That's okay.
I listen to Bukowski's Go All The Way as I walk through South Yarra. The leaves are falling. I'm crying. And I'm going all the way.
