Even now I'm scared of drinking too much alcohol. I don't drink alone, ever. I don't like to feel drunk.

Now my parents have also both died young I guess I'm only really now working through this all. Today was definitely a trigger and I'm just dealing with the emotional response it's created.

Like I say, I just needed to say this out loud. If you have read it, thanks for being there.

I don't have much else to say other than even years later I still feel hurt by it. I still feel that I never really had the parents I wanted and that was because of alcohol.

I could get back from school and I'd have maybe 30 minutes of having both parents and then the drinking would start and they'd turn into somebody else.

Even years later when I'd visit the evenings started nice and then they became somebody I neither knew or liked.

I know this thread may seem pointless to some reading it but I just wanted to say it all out loud.

I'm now an adult but I bear the scars of being a child of an alcoholic parent. They were never violent to me, save a couple of incidents, but there was a huge amount of hostility and clearly the mental effects of alcohol abuse. There were physical incidents too although these are not the things I think that have affected me much.

I *am* doing something but I'm not getting into conflict with him as others do.

But then this has brought up a lot of feelings today and I've been really upset all afternoon. I've really only recently started to unpack my childhood in a house with alcoholism and that this maybe why I'm very conflict averse and hypervigilant. I've been brought up in a house where I've needed to be able to tell if things are getting hostile or not.

It really opened a lot of feelings because he behaved like my father used to. When I was pottering on with something he'd come over and tell me everything I was doing wrong and have a go at me and it was crushing. It really hurt.

This happened again today. It hurt me. So I emailed him and told him that. But he replied "sorry if you feel that way" and that's it.

Some of my neighbours suggested that we need to "do something" but I've always just tried to mediate.

Today though this manager walked past me and had a go at something I was doing although it was absolutely the same as another person right at that moment who owns a house.

I emailed him later showing him the regulation that I was following and he sent me a load of stuff back to prove that I was wrong and he was right.

It really upset me.

Mostly it really upset me because he behaves poorly but I'm always defending him to others.