Interviewer: Why did you leave these jobs after such a short amount of time?

Me: Because they were toxic environments with awful people working there and I care about my mental health too much.

Interviewer: Oh, this definitely isn’t a good fit then.

I buy peppermint tea from Aldi. It's not very convenient because every single individual tea bag is wrapped in paper for some reason but I can at least just go and buy them from a shop with cash normally. At least until 2024, when they started wrapping each? individual?? teabag???? in plastic??????? so of course I stopped buying my teabags there because, well, OBVIOUSLY I stopped, wew lad yikes. I sent Aldi an email saying hey yo I'm not buying your weird plastic-wrapped teabags, email me when you come to your senses, they emailed back almost immediately saying they were a very sustainable company actually and you can put the plastic in the recycling and do not reply to this email.

So I started getting Celestial Seasonings tea bags which just come in a cardboard box lined with wax paper. I bought a bunch of boxes off the evil monster bastard empire amazon. Then I went grumble grumble well I suppose I should stop buying shit from amazon as well, they're so convenient why can't they just be good, so I would occasionally grab a box out of Giant Eagle, which is a real American grocery chain that actually exists and has that name and this is your daily reminder that it's impossible to satirize Americans.

Anyway spouse has a sore throat and needs much pep T so yesterday I was gonna go to the whiskey shop for whiskey and Aldi for milk and also heck we're out of mintyhot so I went up to Giant Eagle and as I was walking up to the door a guy walked in with a handgun and one of those belts with all bullets around it straight past the bouncer bold as brass and I turned right around and went nah fuck that I'll go to Aldi.

Defeated at amazon by their evil-capitalism shittiness and defeated at giant eagle by their guns-yay shittiness I returned to Aldi to embrace their that's-a-lot-of-plastic-even-for-americans shittiness and I shamefully bought a box of peppermint-plastic tea.

And when I opened it this morning the teabags were still individually wrapped, but in paper like they were before. So like, still a pain in the arse and a pointless waste, but apparently while I wasn't buying their plastic-wrapped teabags they stopped wrapping them in plastic. And never bothered to email me back and say hey Dan we did what you asked, come back and give us money.

You don't expect buying teabags to have fucking three acts and a betrayal and a twist and a redemption arc but here we are I suppose

British online friend: "Saw a flying banana tonight. I only noticed because of the purple light shining upwards"

Everyone: ???

"We have track measurement trains. They run around, checking the tracks for faults, the power cables, etc

They're bright yellow. So they're nicknamed the Flying Banana, as a joke on the Flying Scotsman

Night time they have this blue laser that scans the overhead wires. It creates this giant glow you can see when it moves"

There was a faint puff of smoke from the bottle, and a small genie appeared.

"You have freed me," it said, "so I'm obliged to grant you a wish."

It hesitated. "But I am not very powerful."

I nodded. "Of all things I need, give me the greatest you can."

Suddenly, I held a large mug of hot cocoa.

#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories