Dear #women, I have never assualted any of you, but I do apologize for being creepy and setting off all your alarm bells. It's partly because I have to mimic much of what passes as social graces, and sometimes I get it wrong or when I'm tired, my masking is a bit off.

Sometimes it's because I stare, and that's usually because I can see you are masking too, especially with men. Your voices shift up or down, and your body movements change around men. I notice it, and it fascinates me.

Bullying was rife in the primary school I attended. I wasn't immune, but I quickly discovered that bullies are generally pretty responsive to pain, and a solid punch in the nose did wonders to reduce their eagerness.

One time, three of the older kids tried to stick an empty milk can over over my head. One was so engrossed and eager, he had his tongue protruding. I couldn't fathom how dumb that was, but hit him in the jaw with an uppercut anyway. It cured him permanently of his bullying ways

I have a new hobby

I go into #YouTube comments and flame #misogynists. The guys who pile on to videos of women who are struggling or voicing a #metoo

Sure, it's #trolling, but hey, I'm a #psychopath and I think you would much rather have me troll the odd dude a little than the alternatives, which all involve more body fluids and burials

The whole "Dark Triad" thing is such a rancid bag of baloney

Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy overlap on almost everything of relevance, and putting the three things together doesn't enable anyone to have better insight or to take any meaningful action

I had a housemate whose married boss was bonking her on the regular. He would park his car at the back of the house to hide it, but his wife figured it out and one day she stood outside the house and yelled for a while. I was doing nighshift and it woke me up

That was annoying, so I squeezed blocks of pet fish into the air ducts of his car, and it was amazing how well that worked and for how long. He eventually sold it for peanuts. The wife divorced him

#badbosses
#revenge
#CheatingHusbands

I once stapled a dead fish to the back of my boss's desk drawer.

Man that thing stank, and he rummaged around his desk searching for the source for months and never found it.

Eventually the stench died down, but I discovered that if I spritzed it with the spray bottle he used for his orcid, the stinkdemon came alive again for another month.

I also discovered that if I peed in that spray bottle after eating asparagus, a whole new family of demons haunted his desk.

#revenge #boss #work