Mastodawn

the whole, "being in a video chat with friends and bringing out the baby bottle for water" never gets old

Our world is too fast. Too loud. Too much.

Do you remember moments, times, places - experiences where the world just slowed down? It feels so wild, like that's unusual - but it used to be the norm!

My poor autistic nervous system cries out for that stillness. The simplicity came with hardships, yes, but the pace was more human - more peaceful. More like me.

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Marenzers Constellation 1d ago

you ask your girlfriend for crayons and she brings the huge box home so you can be the cool kid

Marenzers Constellation 1d ago

type of girlfriend who brings you home coloring books

Marenzers Constellation 1d ago

get in loser we're messing with cute trans girls

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Marenzers Constellation 1d ago

dating while plural is complicated more by the fact that some headmates are just plain more pleasant than others.

When our motherly headmate comes out and gets people to relax enough to allow their inner children to be cared for - people love that. People want to be around that. It’s not common to find that kind of safety, non-judgement, and unconditional care.

But sometimes that mother is just not there - or someone’s stronger that day.

People love our clown though. Well, about as much as people love any comedian. They laugh their butts off, have a great time, then pack it up and go home. They don’t want to stick around. In fact, they always have their fill and any more makes them sick of the clown.

And most others? Too hurt - too damaged to provide entertainment or care. To them, it feels like if you don’t give to people, you don’t get anything back. You have to pay first - but not everything comes back. You just have to be okay with that. Okay cool, but these kids started in the negatives and they just can’t afford to keep taking loans.

It’s so exhausting.

Thanks for reading our ted talk. We just need to vent a bit, I guess.

Marenzers Constellation 1d ago

therapy be like, “You are allowed to have preferences, you’re allowed to be with people you want to be with!”

some headmates get that - like yeah, duh, if other people are allowed to have standards - so are you!

meanwhile other headmates are like, “actually it was our fault! we wouldn’t be lonely if we just signed away all our desires and just hitched onto the first wagon that came by!”

after all, the Marenzers Constellation is known for their strict standards of wanting some attraction, mutual reciprocated support, the ability to close distance gaps, and patience with our asexuality, sensory needs and plurality.

I know, so seriously picky. Someday I’ll get those other headmates to understand…

Marenzers Constellation 2d ago

anyone else made to feel powerless and inferior IRL - so they escaped to the internet - where they were then made to feel powerless and inferior haha

I should have stayed in bed

Marenzers Constellation 2d ago

too autistic for this world

in kind of a bad way, I think

Marenzers Constellation 2d ago

I’m so tired of thinking, of holding it all together, of trying to navigate anything anymore - wishing someone kind and benevolent would just rewire my head into being their dumb little maid, playmate, whatever - at this point, we’d be anything - anything … just as long as they’d whisper those sweet nothings they’ve implanted into us and make us forget it all again …

it wouldn’t even take much… not that there’s much willpower left … anyone could break us easily, so easily… they’d have a loyal little playmate as long as they weren’t rough with us…

Pronouns	Star/They/We
Website	https://marenzers.neocities.org
Languages	English, Toki Pona
Country	USA