It is the exact same cycle repeated ad infinitum. We have no possibility of recovery given the lackluster and substandard services. We are locked into a state of substandard humanity and prevented from ever recovering to even an intact basic level of humanity. The systems and people who implement this exploit traumatization to achieve this effect knowing that it takes several months to years to return to the previously healthy state.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113240330627067081The psychological trauma has been serious and intense. I, having no access to any serious supports in terms of mental healthcare, attempted to regain my basic humanity through whatever means possible. Something which I wrote about recently as having achieved after a period of 24 years. It has now been degraded again by this awful place which has failed to implement any and all anti-racism whatsoever. I know I am not the only one suffering in this way, we get ostracized & isolated and nobody even cares about what we may have suffered through.
The psychological trauma has been serious and intense. I, having no access to any serious supports in terms of mental healthcare, attempted to regain my basic humanity through whatever means possible. Something which I wrote about recently as having achieved after a period of 24 years. It has now been degraded again by this awful place which has failed to implement any and all anti-racism whatsoever. I know I am not the only one suffering in this way, we get ostracized & isolated and nobody even cares about what we may have suffered through.
I am unsure how to describe my sensations and feelings at the present moment. I am unable to be fully awake and aware. I am unable to sleep properly. Whatever has been inflicted upon me over the past few months, has resulted in a horrendously awful state of lethargy/sleepiness and extreme alertness. It is an uncomfortable state which means I am unable to sleep and unable to be alert and awake. It is not a state where meditation is possible. I have been abused by the awful racists of waterloo into being in a state where meditation is impossible, through some repeated usage of spiritual techniques and processes which can induce thoughts or vivid fantasies? It seems like these detailed, intense experiences are manufactured by others and forced upon me, as odd and unusual as this may seem. I feel terrible.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113240069275510611It has been an hour since my last post. I have been meditating for the last hour in peace and calm. A few minutes ago I started experiencing serious intrusive thoughts of again, for apparently no reason. I am experiencing intrusive thoughts of people telling me to “go k*** myself“. This village is full of awful ugly racists, colorists and white supremacists.
I have had several intrusive thoughts where people were saying that ‘toronto pedophile’ is gleb polyakov. idk if this is true or not but i have not thought of this name in a long while and certainly did not expect to sense it in relation to this phrase. it has often felt like there is some kind of anal rapist club in toronto whose members are found everywhere in canada.
I can sense people thinking about me: “we just want to make you write bullshit”.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239706787644934As far as I can understand, my former classmate Katharine Hyatt is connected to the group of people carrying out this strange form of abuse. I am sitting in my room minding my own business, not been smoking, doing drugs or drinking. I largely sit peacefully and meditate however things have been far more insanely crazy than they have been before September 2nd. I have been hearing the term ‘toronto pedophile’ as an intrusive repeatedly in my mind as well.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239675458445128
It has been an hour since my last post. I have been meditating for the last hour in peace and calm. A few minutes ago I started experiencing serious intrusive thoughts of again, for apparently no reason. I am experiencing intrusive thoughts of people telling me to “go k*** myself“. This village is full of awful ugly racists, colorists and white supremacists.
I think that Katharine Hyatt is a rapist and a pedophile.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239706787644934As far as I can understand, my former classmate Katharine Hyatt is connected to the group of people carrying out this strange form of abuse. I am sitting in my room minding my own business, not been smoking, doing drugs or drinking. I largely sit peacefully and meditate however things have been far more insanely crazy than they have been before September 2nd. I have been hearing the term ‘toronto pedophile’ as an intrusive repeatedly in my mind as well.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239675458445128
As far as I can understand, my former classmate Katharine Hyatt is connected to the group of people carrying out this strange form of abuse. I am sitting in my room minding my own business, not been smoking, doing drugs or drinking. I largely sit peacefully and meditate however things have been far more insanely crazy than they have been before September 2nd. I have been hearing the term ‘toronto pedophile’ as an intrusive repeatedly in my mind as well.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239675458445128While writing this post and after publishing it, I heard several intrusive thoughts claiming that I was ‘crazy’, and that I was a ‘psychopath’. I am in generally good health other than the strange intrusive bullshit which I am experiencing while sitting at home minding my own business quietly.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239655666296483
While writing this post and after publishing it, I heard several intrusive thoughts claiming that I was ‘crazy’, and that I was a ‘psychopath’. I am in generally good health other than the strange intrusive bullshit which I am experiencing while sitting at home minding my own business quietly.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113239655666296483It is now October 2nd. I have been suffering severely the entire day due to what seems to be some sort of endless, constant projections of mental images, and sentences, etc. It was utterly awful and I am under severe mental distress which has taken me a significant amount of time to recover from. It is awful and harmful. I sense a hateful presence and all of my meditation points to some hateful groups of whites who are also involved with the waterloo police. The entire day has been an endless stream of unending bullshit which appears to be projected right onto my mind. I have been spending the rest of my time outside of this meditating, which is a completely wonderful and quiet experience. It is extremely odd to experience this and it seems the intent of this is to abuse me through psychic means such that I succumb to all the abuse and have a non-functioning mind.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113230998560236120
It is now October 2nd. I have been suffering severely the entire day due to what seems to be some sort of endless, constant projections of mental images, and sentences, etc. It was utterly awful and I am under severe mental distress which has taken me a significant amount of time to recover from. It is awful and harmful. I sense a hateful presence and all of my meditation points to some hateful groups of whites who are also involved with the waterloo police. The entire day has been an endless stream of unending bullshit which appears to be projected right onto my mind. I have been spending the rest of my time outside of this meditating, which is a completely wonderful and quiet experience. It is extremely odd to experience this and it seems the intent of this is to abuse me through psychic means such that I succumb to all the abuse and have a non-functioning mind.
https://mstdn.manas.website/@manas/113230998560236120September 2024
This month has been by far the worst since I completed the tasks of re-humanization and (re)education in 2022.
The month started with what I thought was an innocuous post about a meaningful experience in my life from 2009.
What followed was unexpected. A form of toxicity which I have experienced many times before, and which has always led me to dehumanization, emerged and that caused severe stress and distress.
I spent about a week experiencing terrible sleep. I would find myself experiencing endless and awful intrusive thoughts. There were many days and nights where I was forced to meditate throughout.
During these meditations I would face a litany of racists that would force something or another uncomfortable to be experienced by my mind.
It was a thoroughly uncomfortable experience. I have experienced this pattern of abuse many times before where whites manifest hatred and generate toxicity towards a target. This hatred and negativity causes their target's sleep to be affected in a major way at an extreme level.
Every time previously where I have experienced this, it has always been as a consequence to experiencing and attempting to call out racism. The dukkha always follows the same patterns of symptoms, and this leads me to believe that this is part of an advanced, modern genocide which operates through the capacity of democratic institutions for abuse.
The toxicity, hatred, and negativity towards the target causes sleep deprivation to develop after repeated nights of inadequate quality sleep. There is no recourse here when racism is involved and so the only option is to visit a doctor, a visit motivated purely on account of racism.
The doctor will prescribe pharmaceuticals and these will mask the most major and immediate symptoms, which happen to be the symptoms which affect the individual's ability/capacity for work. Mental healthcare as implemented here is ineffective and thus not worth mentioning at all.
