cat wrangler. crafty.
I write some (a lot of) music.
"len" and "lenny" are both good :)
love me long-winded or don't love me at all.
also I'm still coviding and you should be, too
music mostly marked under #lennySings if you want to follow it here, or @lenny_wonders on youtube.
https://linktr.ee/lenny_wonders
I am just a pile of impossible questions, held together by spit and duct tape and hope that flickers on and off, on and off, on and off.
| pronouns | they/them |
| profile pic | white person in their mid-30s smiles at the camera at the wharf. They're wearing an envo respirator and aviator sunglasses. |
| banner pic | tag from an axolotl plushie. It says "kind of cute, kind of ugly, sorta weird, but oh so snuggly" |
| ko-fi | https://ko-fi.com/lenny_wonders |
| linktree | https://linktr.ee/lenny_wonders |
I think I am mostly just... Really fucking incapacitatingly scared of hurting somebody. That's just about the long and the short of it, as per usual.
What if I fuck everything up and hurt somebody? 🙃
There are so many ways to cause harm even when you are trying so hard.
Ugh.
is it flirting if they say that listening to me play music makes them swoon though?
is that even information even if it is?? sometimes people flirt and it doesn't mean anything, it's just words.
people are complicated
...also it would be a lot easier if I knew if I wanted it to be flirting or not 🙃 fucking. uggggh.
daydreaming? fantasizing? about my friend forcing me to take a nap.
is it a new kink?? is it a cry for help?? is it something I should probably mention to my therapist???
only time will tell.
They went on a friend hang that turned into a date.
Feels, uh... A little weird, the way everything they've said about this person is how much they remind them of me.
Also I would be lying if I said I didn't have a single pang of unlovely feeling in response...!! An ugly internal moment of "wait just because I am not going to date you doesn't mean I think you should date someone else..."
Honestly it's just more proof that saying no was the right choice, I guess. I am a mess 😅 and I prefer to keep my mess contained where possible. Not spilling out and hurting people.
forgot that religious holidays mean the otherwise-dormant family text thread gets a few vague plain empty pleasantries.
estrangement is fucking weird.
(no "just block them" or whatever, please and thank you)
grateful for "do not disturb" mode today so I can choose my timing.
I can feel the urge to spiral off into forever from all of that 😅 😂 but I don't want to do that! so I am going to try to respond thoughtfully and actively. good music. what do I need to do to advance towards bed? etc.
want to write a song but it's almost midnight. feels like the neighbors wouldn't love that. headphones and the music of others instead.