John-Paul Keates

@jpkeates
1,036 Followers
1.5K Following
4.3K Posts

Retired
My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns.

I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive.

Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

LocationWest Midlands, UK
Born1961
StatusDamaged, but functional.
John-Paul Keates18h ago

Burnham - Simultaneously, Keir Starmer's latest challenge and Donald Trump's solution to the Epstein files.

#LunchPun

John-Paul Keates20h ago

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Stalker - Flower arranger.

John-Paul Keates1d ago

The evening went very badly. My girlfriend swallowed the ring hidden in the cake. I just hope she can find it in herself to go ahead and marry me.

#LunchPun

John-Paul Keates2d ago
Nowadays, if you shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die, you'd find it was on another premium channel available from the premium service you already have, but for a small additional monthly fee, or for less with ads.
John-Paul Keates2d ago

A booty call is very different if your partner's a pirate.

#LunchPun

John-Paul Keates2d ago

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Swapmaxxing - hip replacement.

John-Paul Keates3d ago

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Prelate - On time.

John-Paul Keates3d ago

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Oyster - Yiddish speaker

John-Paul Keates3d ago

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Lanyard - The imperial unit of wi-fi coverage.

John-Paul Keates3d ago

Surely, it’s called a unicorn because it has a unique horn.

This is my hill and here I am, dying on it.

#LunchPun