I hate when i'm working a late shift at my patrol job and some ass hole skillfully puts me in a sleeper hold and then drags my unconscious body to the retinal scanner, gaining access to my shadowy employer's secret lab

Star Wars is cool but you can tell George Lucas was just making a lot of that shit up

Wearing a sailor suit and no pants as a subtle nod to my friend and colleague Donald duck

My doctor recommended that I stop carrying around this ancient stone obelisk because it’s making me “too powerful”

Spending some time on the federated time line to decalcify my pineal gland

Either you are my wife, or you are my enemy

perhaps, in the edenic first moments of this new social media landscape, i too shall become a "Hell Dude"

adjusting serotonin levels to account for the fact that, due to post lengths on this site, 1 boost= 2 retweets

Can't wait for this to become the new website that i hate but can't leave