Nobody is mad at me. Everybody wants me to be my best self. I am worth the trouble and the success will be glorious.

Childhood best friend is several months pregnant. I shouldn't have checked social media today. Now I'm just depressed. Ugh

I want to scream and also punch things but I am a soft boi and I would just hurt myself

So I'm on medication now and I guess that means I'm not as whiny, sorry to my huge fanbase

Who's going to walk me down the aisle?

Damn okay I guess someone read my mind and made this postsecret

And it's especially hard not to take the mindset I'm forced into of "How dare you be happy? Who told you that you're allowed to feel joy without repercussions?" and shoot that at any of my friends whose lives are going well. In my brain, they're showing off to spite me, regardless of how hard they worked or how long they waited to achieve the dreams they're now living. I feel I'm such a hateful person stuck in a vicious cycle of self hatred and barely-concealed projection.

"Hey Ellie, why don't you try harder to make waves and improve your life?"
"Well, because just about any attempt to take risks or move the universe in a direction favorable to me is immediately met with swift and unnecessarily cruel punishments from said universe as a Thank You for wasting its time."

Knowing I'll lose my dad and my dog before the end of the year on top of all the friends I've said farewell to since my birthday is just a real cherry on the FuckYouEllie Sundae that has been 2019.

Since I've been reliably informed I shouldn't send this, you can have it.