@catsalad I Am the Very Model of a Modern Cyber Specialist

I am the very model of a modern cyber specialist,
My posture is proactive and my mindset synergist,
I leverage blockchain paradigms resilient and immutable,
For threats that are, in practice, mostly quite disputable.

I’m zero-trust by principle, by strategy, by ritual,
Though flat networks persist beneath my slide deck quite habitual;
I champion quantum readiness, cryptography transitionable,
While SSH keys on our servers stay embarrassingly guessable.

I speak of AI governance, of ethics and alignment,
Of digital transformation in a cloud-first re-assignment;
I orchestrate compliance in a framework interoperable,
Yet patching legacy systems is declared economically implausible.

I circulate an SBOM with enthusiasm evangelical,
Though half the stack was compiled by interns quite mechanical;
I threat-model via workshops with sticky notes galactical,
But tracing actual packet loss I find impractical.

I quantify cyber maturity in gradients holographic,
With heatmaps operationally impressive and chromatic;
I benchmark risk velocity in dashboards most aesthetical,
While incident response remains distinctly hypothetical.

In short, in blockchain-quantum-zero-trust evangelistical,
In AI-driven thought leadership aggressively statistical,
In buzzword transformation visionary and fantastical,
I am the very model of a cyber strategist theatrical.

But when the logs erupt at 3 a.m. with evidence electrical,
I forward them to someone slightly more technical.

@starchy

Reluctantly crouched at the command line
Desperately typing to keep it online
A green light flashes, the systems come up
Churning and burning for the latest markup
Deftly inserting some Python or C
While guzzling down a coffee or three
Reckless and wild, he pours through the code
His prowess is potent, an effortless flow
As he speeds through the lines, the servers go down
As 404 errors are suddenly found
The department is empty except for one man
Still loading and coding as fast as he can
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
His coffee gone cold long ago in his cup
But he's typing and striving, debugging the terms
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns

He's going the distance
He's coding in C
He's all alone (all alone)
All alone in his time of need
Because he's typing and writing and viewing the source
Programming and scanning and switching the ports
He's going the distance.

No trophy, no flowers, no flashbulbs, no wine
He's haunted by variables he cannot define
Undeclared functions of doubt and remorse
Compile him, defile him with processing force
In his mind, he's still twelve, just hacking his grade
And he's hoping in time that those memories will fade
'Cause he's racing and pacing and switching the ports
He's typing and writing and viewing the source
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up
And his coffee's gone cold long ago in his cup
But he's typing and striving, debugging the terms
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns

He's going the distance
He's coding in C
He's all alone (all alone)
All alone in his time of need

Cause he's racing and pacing the processing ports
He's typing and writing and viewing the source
Cause he's racing and pacing and switching the ports
He's loading and coding and viewing the source

He's going the distance
He's coding in C
He's going the distance...