Me, an intellectual: power washing your drive way is a hopelessly bourgeois conceit, a futile attempt to try to control nature, respectability politics at its most absurd.

Me, on Saturday morning: blast away all the dirt! Clean it all! Obliterate the grime!

I committed to a deadline in October, and just handed in the writing two full days early.

And if that isn’t a true, blue (academic) miracle, I don’t know what one is.

Thoughts that keep me up at night:

Okay, so she was eating salad with a comb…

…why not just use your hands? Wouldn’t that be easier? And more hygienic?

Hi, yes, I’m not going to #cite that creep.

No. Not even if he has the “seminal” (a bit too on the nose, tbh) #article on the subject.

The absolute rage I feel over the fact that the PTO at our kid’s school is holding a grade school beauty pageant as a fundraiser…

That potent combo of underfunded schools and patriarchal standards.