Tax Day?
Brane Geenyus
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Palm Sunday. Palms are milled into palm oil. You know what palm oil is a prime constituent of? Nutella.
It's now Nutella Sunday.
Calling for a state-sanctioned punishment in which anybody who doesn’t pick up after their dog is immediately transmogrified into dog shit.
Love it when you think you’re wearing your glasses and you reflexively go to push them up but punch yourself in the face instead
We’re almost at the point where pharmaceutical ads are gonna tell people “If you’re suffering from Type 69 Squamous Bifurcation of the Manboopular Ranygazoo not caused by Conjubilant Taradiddle, then talk to your doctor about Eyjafjallajökull!”
"Ugh it's cold, and it's dark, and it's raining, and what time even is it?"
*Coffee maker goes off*
"THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE!"
Imagine deliberately making the conscious decision to get a vanity license plate and deciding on "Chinese drop-shipper on Amazon"
July 4th: Where a bunch of Americans gloat about how everyone else is a wiener, while watching a bunch of people shove wieners down their throats, subsequently followed by shoving wieners down their own throats.
Tired: Birthday Sex
Wired: #EarthDay Sex, where we force all the bees, butterflies, and rabbits to copulate and repopulate
Wired: #EarthDay Sex, where we force all the bees, butterflies, and rabbits to copulate and repopulate