Sandwiches cut into 4 squares are smaller than sandwiches cut in half.

The commitment to get rid of "not spots" is bad policy. I used to be able to turn off my work phone and tell people that I'd been underground or in the countryside, when their calls didn't connect. Now, there will be no peace. We need places without connectivity.

Very few people really enjoy gin. It's only fashionable bevause every man and his dog has started adding flavours like rhubarb, cucumber or some shite to it to make it palatable

French cooking is decent but adding butter, cream and garlic to everything to make it taste nice isn't exactly rocket science.

If all cockneys are male, how do they keep breeding?

Anyone skiing off piste when there's a major avalanche warning in place should not expect rescuers to come out and save them. Their families should pay for any recovery of a body. You were warned, you ignored it, you caused it, you pay for it.

Pretty sure local dumps in the UK were renamed 'recycling centres' to discourage middle-class people from fly-tipping last summer's garden furniture outside Sue Ryder in the dead of night.

You are not a "drone PILOT," you are a camera operator.

It's beyond ridiculous that glass is so widely used for as food & drink containers. It breaks easily, becomes sharp & pointy & is already heavy before the contents go in. Aluminium all the way.

Let's be honest: 'bottomless brunch' is just a high-end trap. You're paying a premium for a glass of ice with a splash of mimosa, all while being nudged to order half the menu once the 'unlimited' drinks kick in. The house always wins.