mine is a strong tendency to do things really really well, preferably better than anyone else, or i'll feel like a presumptuous and obtrusive interloper who isn't entitled to do those things at all.

this gets interesting when it comes to transitioning and being a woman. so i need to do that really well, preferably better than most other women. so i need to outperform cis women. and no, not in traditional femininity, but in being a better role model and a better feminist, in having a healthier relationship to my own appearance and to myself, in having a more relaxed attitude to both my femininity and my masculinity. and i need to do it without invoking transmisogyny

sounds hard? yeah, well, if i manage to do it once in a while then... then that's still not good enough. because guess what, no one is ever going to accept a trans woman being a better woman than cis women. transmisogyny forbids it

so the last component of me being good enough by my own standards is to make sure nobody thinks i'm good enough

i bet a lot of this feels quite familiar to cis women too.

but you wanna hear something weird? i've only been transitioning for three years now, but i've been working hard for more than two decades trying to do all the things i just described

i was always living under transmisogyny