Wanna Super-Size Your Stupid?

History repeats itself for those too stupid to learn: President Trump told the New York Post that the Strait of Hormuz will open “automatically” when the United States ends the war in Iran. Remember that time Prznint Stupid said that COVID would go away “automatically” in the spring? Yeah, me too.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/31/wanna-super-size-your-stupid/

Vulgarmort Unveils Subdued and Tasteful Prznint Library

I swear they copped it from the World Trade Center and added some 1950s Jetson’s rocket styling to the top. And of course, it is compensating for... something. But, it also gives the next generation of  terrorists a target, so there’s that. Imagine the opportunities to money launder? The words “library” and "The Orange 🤡” having heretofore never been in the same sentence, so we went spelunking to learn more.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/31/vulgarmort-unveils-subdued-and-tasteful-prznint-library/

The Un-Real World

NOTUS’ email thingie: Back to his roots: Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy is teaming up with the producers of “The Real World: Boston” — the reality TV show he appeared on back in the 1990s — to launch a YouTube series in celebration of America’s 250th anniversary, he told TMZ for a report published yesterday. The online show, which is currently in production, will feature the Cabinet official and his family touring the country on an extended road…

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/31/the-un-real-world/

The Affordability Prznint

The Miracle of The Orange 🤡 Economy! Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) morning email thingie tells us that gasoline has gone up in price again: The average gas price in America last night hit the totemic $4 a gallon, per the Gas Buddy Guy. (AAA still has it at $3.99, but will presumably confirm today.) Needless to say, this is going to cut through.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/31/the-affordability-prznint-3/

Here’s Some Stupid To Start Your Day

The Streisand Effect It seems that TMZ had more pictures of Senator Graham at Disney World, or this is the ugliest Disney Princess ever: The thing he’s holding is either a bubble wand or a sex toy. As he clearly is in the Magic Kingdom, we’ll go with bubble wand. The Senatorette didn’t like those pics of him at Cinderella’s Castle, so we’re now entertained of pics of with him and a gun.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/31/heres-some-stupid-to-start-your-day-499/

Great Memes, Cont.

Nothing is more fun that seeing a dog playing on a stairway.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/30/great-memes-cont-102/

Millionaire Tax in the State of Warshington!

As you probably know, Bezos already left the state for Floriduh the first time an income tax was on the ballot here, but this is still a start: “Washington State on Monday enacted a tax on income over $1 million, the latest Democratic state to levy a tax aimed squarely at the wealthy.” “The law, signed by Gov. Bob Ferguson, creates an income tax for top earners beginning in 2028.

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/30/millionaire-tax-in-the-state-of-warshington/

This Exists

I'm not saying I need this (I totally don’t, I swear), but I might consider buying it for someone else. (Direct Link to Instagram Here) (Hat tip: Scissorhead M Davis, who says she wants it, too)

http://mockpaperscissors.com/2026/03/30/this-exists-300/